Thursday, April 26, 2007

Nothing is as funny as Albatros Sex, no joke

Well well it´s that time again

What time you say, time to string a few words together, put them into sentences and try
and make sense of things, if that makes any sense.

As from the title of this story you can imagine were it is going, but we´ll get to that later.
Now, what was i going to say, well, since i left you i went on an 8 day trip around the Galapagos, and what a trip it was, except for me getting an ear infection and still popping pills and staying out of the water, luck for me someone on the boat penecillin and some pain killers, or else i was in trouble, funny how long these things take to get better.

Well i suppose that will ´Learn me´ for not taking these things seriously, but then again one of my major problems is not being able to take ´Things´ seriously, and i´m being serious obout that one folks, not sure what the lesson in the story is, but it´s there. lesson learnt. Move on, ok so.

Met an English chick before getting on the boat cruze, and as it turns out, there is someone else in the world that talks as much bullshit as me, and it´s not me or my evil twin, although it does sometimes feel like i do have a evil twin, lets call him ´Bad Kieran´ for arguement sake, and when he had the ´Bad chemicals´ going on in his head just about anything can happen and it sometimes does, sometimes.

Had a normal time on the boat, and it felt strange, Em (The Aussie) thought it was funny when i told her i was normally more talkative, for her i was talking a lot. Couldnt really get the words out with a pounding pain (Or in Spanish ´Duele´, but thats spanish) in me ear, nope i didnt feel much like talking. By the time we got back though i was getting out a few words. Yes indeed here come´s an avalanche of words, look out boys and girls, head to the hills, Arghhhhhhh.

Now on to what has to be the funniest thing on the trip, lbatros Sex.
Close your eyes, and try to imagine this folks, got them closed ? ok so, here we go.

Naughty Naughty, i see you

Behind a bush i saw this bird stand on the shoulders of another bird, i´m no expert but i´m hoping it was a female, it would be a bit ermbarrasing for me to know i was cheering on 2 male birds going for it, yep very embarrasing.

After a few frantic moments, to the poor birs below it must have seemed like an eternity it was all over.

Now the macho on top, has what looks like to me a smile on his face, yes he´s smiling , definatly smiling and proceeds to walk away 10 feet there abouts and the other bird does the same and sit looking at a bush, now they are not more than 15 feet away from each other both looking into a bush looking in opposite directions, and the macho on top is still smiling away to himself, i nearly pissed myself laughing.

I dont think i´ll ever forget it, and while everybody else was snapping pictures, Kieran with no camera saw the love scene of the century, if it could be called that, which it can because it´s my story and i´m playing god here, so thats it ´love scene of the century´

Thats it, stop reading, get a life and write a story about it, i did and i´ll probably do it again, so there !

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The wonderful thing about tiggers

The Galapagos

Well i know it´s only been a few days, but since it´s hot outside, a bit too hot for me, not that i´m any hottie, it has to be time to be inside and pen some more rubbish, if only for my amusement. So far i am not amused, but it´s still early, and it being early i´ll get on with it as best as i can.

So, went out with Jill and Co on Wednesday, had a nice time, thanks Jill. Jill goes home early, bye bye Jill, see you tomorrow, and i dident know how true that would be.
Then the captain steps in and asks me back to his place for drinks, well i think he did because before long we were back at his place and the drinks were flowing.

Before long, i decided it was time to go swimming. I feel a bit like George Bush some times when i make decisions. I am the decider and i make decisions, that´s what deciders do´ and it´s true because when you are old enough to do this then you are really getting places. I wasnt getting anywhere quickly.

Fast forward to me swimming out the back of the Captains place, swimming around, really nice,¨Oh whats that, some yahts, i think i´ll take a look¨ and on closed inspection they realy were yahts, and what would be expecting out the back of a guys place and he happens to be called ¨The Captain¨ well much fun was had diving off these boats and climbing op to them, it´s a full body work out i can tell you.

Sean from Texas was telling me next day that it´s nor really cool to dive off other peoples boats, they´re some peoples houses and you wouldnt dive off of someones house, good thing that no one was in them i´m guessing. Well nobody told me this and before long i was having a great time

(Authors note: not many people you will encounter in life, this or the next are morning people and you have to be really careful of people of those who are not, well thats the advice that was given to me a few years ago by some old French guy, hello old french guy, there you go, i´m not making this up)

Well after much making noise outside the captains place, you could say i finally got his attention, and to be fair he´s way worse than me. He cherises his sleep, so i had to take off.

My clothes were in his place, so was my money. They were going to have to wait, and in fairness to Jimmy Hendrix, he was definatly on to something when he said ¨I think i´ll wait until tomorrow¨, too bad i was doing my air guitar impression instead of listening, because i now feel like he was trying to tell me something from beyond the grave (Play errie music here)

Got back to the peir and there was nothing else to do only swim and swim home i did. Nice morning for a swim it was too, i´m sure a lot of people thaught the were witnessing some new form of water creature on the Gallapagos and i suppose in a way they were.

I´m still having fun at this stage, there goes the phrase ¨No mon no fun¨, you Sir are wrong, very wrong indeed, very wrong. Because my money was at the Captains.

Got back and i though the best thing to do was tell Jill the full story and let her sort everything out and smothe everything out, remember I am still the decider here and since i´m writing the story i am god too, Why not there´s got to be a first time for everything, and if everything goes to Shit, i can say Ït´s my first day¨ which in a way is true.

Got to Jill´s place and explained the whole story, i did knock. It would be bad manners not to, and after explaining my self Jill went about fixing everything. Hipp Hipp Hurrah for Jill.

After wards i was a bit dissapointed i didnt sing my Tigger song from Whinney the Pooh. Jill had Whinney the Pooh and Tigger too sheets.
After singing the song for her the next night and finding it amusing, Jill tells me that if i sung the song to her i would have gotten a box. Some people just arent morning people i guess.

Tigger song:
The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful chaps
They're loaded with vim and with vigor
They love to leap in your laps
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.

Tiggers are wonderful fellahs.
Tiggers are awfully sweet.
Everyone elses is jealous,
And thats why I repeat...

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Are Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.
Yes, I'm the only one

Sometimes i think, why cant i be normal like everyone else
Jill last week told me she likes me the way i am and wouldnt want me to change, this is still an opinion she shares, is she crazy or am i ?
Fast forward to dinner last night and some frally good food from Chilie.
Phone rings, Jill answers, it turns out to be the captain wanting me to go back and fix the damaged fly screen, you know your getting bad when the local crazy guy is saying your crazy.

All´s well that ends well and everyone had a good laugh.

Peace out

Thursday, April 12, 2007

A holiday within a holiday

Toilet in Secret Garden

Well it´s taken me 52 minutes to get this far, how far that you say ?

Well i started off ripping Jill´s music into a format that would fit onto my mp3 player, thanks Jill. I call that format mp3.

Well whats been happening, well since i last left you, probably with a full stop, so i´ll give you an encore and then continue.

Right so, down to business. Now i´m back in Porta Ayorta, beginning to feel a bit like Father Jack when he sobered up, ´Am i still on that feckin island, afraid so father jack.

But it´s not all bad, between reading my books and hanging out with Jill and drinking beer and then after 8 beers hanging out with drunk Jill and then some more beers life is going well, depends what you call life really, and we´ll get to that later.

Got to the Galapagos with no real clear idea of what i was going to do except hang out and meet people and ´Do stuff´ect ect and so on and so forth.

Lets start at the start, after a bit of a false start getting here, missed my flight from partying too hard, cant really blame anyone but myself and making myself look like a bit of an eejit infront of the family not being able to wake me up and when they did, i opted to go back to sleep, i was never happier to be asleep, so much for partying hard.

Eventually got here and happened to see a guy hanging around a bit, so i said hello
and as Jill will tell you, ´Hello´ is a good way of metting people, so i said hello
and as luck would have it, his name was Kieran to, and he was from Cork too, but raised in North Carolina, well 2 out of 3 aint bad as Meatloaf will tell you.

So it began there and went on, met some girls from Quito, hello girls and the party went on
Met Jill before the girls, hello Jill, and the party went on.
Met the Captain, and the party went on.
Met Mike from San Diego, hi Mike, and the party went on.

Currently listening to Jills music, and the music is strangly interesting, no sure what it´s called and maybe i´ll never know, i´m waiting for the ´Peaches and Peaches´ song to come on.
Yep cant wait for that one.

Back to the story, after being 7 odd days of pretty much drinking with a girl who likes beer more than me, and i came to the Galapagos for a break, i thought it was time for another break so i went to Isabella, and off i went, within 20 minutes of getting there i met Mike ´Kicking it´

´Kicking it´ will be one of my phrases from here on in, i feel like i was walking through a lost home for dog´s and baby ´Kicking it´ was looking up at me with his ´Moo cow´ and i said ´Can we keep him´ and while i was busy
filling in the papers i saw ´Random´ and i said i´ll take hime too.

As Mike would say ´Random´, which he said funnily enough quite a lot when i was talking to him, which was quite a lot.

Which brings me to Mike, went to his boat on Isabella, tide was getting low, bad idea. After about 2 hours of ´Kicking it´ on his boat it was decided i should retire to my Quarters, good idea no ? (Thinking to myself ´Well, yes and no´ brain
yes and no), We headed back and since Mike didnt want to damage the engine, he lifted up the engine, good idea no ?

Well yes and no, because he couldnt get it back down again. So anyway out comes the lighter, and it came omoniously close to the engine, it was pretty dark, and i thought that was a bad idea, but it turned out to be good as he go the motor down
But the lighter got wet and by this stage Mike was getting a bit distressed and couldnt light his cigarette, which turned out to be a bad idea. I wanted to paddle over to one of the yahts and disturb a guy from his G and T.

But that would have been a bad idea as your supposed to know what your doing at sea, i would like to state here that i´m not a seaman and i dont know anything about seamen, or being a seaman for that matter.

Jill´s song is telling me she is too drunk to fuck, good one Jill, where do you get your inspiration fom ?

So Meself anf Mike, make it to shallow water, and off goes the engine and out comes the paddle, paddle boys, paddle, so we did, until the best oar broke and we are floating again.

So i said, ´Will i get out and push´ Mike says no, so i did anyway, until we hit dry land, well really it was a sand bar, and we were still 150 meter´s from real dry land.

Luckily enough, i was able to walk most of the way, and Mike was like, Íf you walk around the side it wont be so bad.

So after running back for my sandles, which as it turned out werent mine at all, i went straight accross, and the water went as far as my waste then af far as my hips chest, upper chest and i must of been a funny sight wit my wallet and shoesover my head, hoping it wasnt going to be any deeper and as i got back i saw a small sting ray.

Mike was telling me, that he felt really bad watching me wade accross, i thought it was hilllarious, as Mike ran back to his dingy
before it floated away.

Next day we swapped back sandles, and the boys sailed off to the south pacific and they all lived happily ever after.

And thats the story of Mike and Me.

On Isbella, we went snorkling and a Sea Lion came up to us and pretty much said ´Thats not how you swim, this is how how you swim´ and proceeded to show us land cratures how it´s done zooming around us and jumping out of the water, nothing i´ve ever seen comes close, saw white tipped sharks, heaps of them, Boobies (The bird kind, i like them too, the birds´

And thousands of Turles, giant ones and their babies.
Walked to the Wall of tears, it´s a huge pile of stones prisoners of war had to build to give them something to do i suppose, i suppose it´s safer than digging a hole?