Where have all the toilet seats gone ?

Probably the most photographed dog in Columbia, his permanent residence is top of the road from Sue Hostel


Didnt think i´d be writing so much in Columbia, but there you go, just goes to show that a lot of things are happening here, not that´s what the English or US government would like you to hear.

I was reading recently, US citizens were advised not to go to Columbia, but in fact Columbia is a lot safer than Washington, a lot. So what does this amazing fact mean you ask, not a lot really, unless your French.

The French have recently signed an agreement with the Guirelas here in Columbia in which no French people will be kidnapped, so in case you are kidnapped, act snooty, chain smoke, demand coffee and crossants and go on about how your cheeses are the best and everything is ´Fuckin shet´, case closed.

I´m in Villa de Ayera today and they are shooting a movie in the square, they shot the first season of Zorro here (No bullets were used, tempting to put some reference to 50 Cents here, but not today)

Tour start´s:
Founded in 1572, Villa de Leyva was declared a national monument in 1954.
A colonial town par excellence, it has been preserved in its entirety -
the impressive Plaza Mayor is lined with whitewashed colonial houses and churches.
Villa enjoys a dry, mild climate and is within easy reach of the capital,
making it a popular weekend getaway for Bogotános.

The Zorro filiming went on for 6 months, from what i know of the ledgened, the Zorro character
is based on an Irish guy in Mexico and if you dont believe me, click here

Tour over:
Other signifant events this week
Signed up with facebook, now i can be part of the ´Buzz´ along with all the Americans (an the people that should have been born in America..... and drafted to fight for democracy)

Saw American Splendor, good movie, one good quote from it was ´Life is about enjoying the ride´and truth be told, been having quite a ride this year and i think it will continue in this manner too for another year anyway, well maybe a year and a half, why stop there, go for 2 years more ok so, i think i will, and it was done.

Fred (Fuckin Fred from France) departed this morning, headed North, bye bye Fred, i´m going South. He was telling me we have been hanging out for 3 weeks, no wonder my Spanish has gone down the toilet, if Spanish was on my School report card the comment would be ´Needs more work, has a tendency to be lazy´

True enough, i´m not argueing with you there love, but as long as i´m having fun, thats the main thing.

Heading back to Bogota tomorrow, will only have 8 days to get back to Quito, should be able to do it comfortably, want to see the church on the steep hill on the border, flying is out of the question.

So what did i do in the Nations Capital the last time i passed through, drinking, partying, meeting crazy people witnessing crazy people, wrote about crazy people, forgot the Spanish i learned and drank coffee.

What will i do if i go back, the same as above, but this time i have a sneaky plan, if i stay 1 night theres no way i can do all of the above, Kieran saves the day yet again.

Been eating lots of healthy food too in the last few weeks, i´ve never been happier to eat salad and it´s all credit to my foot. What happened you ask ? Well i´ll tell you.

In San Cipriani i hurt my foot, i moved on to Salento and not being able to walk far i was able to hobble across the road and buy lots of fruit and vegetables and fried chicken around the corner
Now i´m like a junky for salad, i´ve also accuired lots of new Vegeterian recepies which is a welcome relief from discussing ´Whitch Burning´s´ at social occcasions if and when they do arise.

Switched hostel from `Death Hostel´, why ? They had electric showers, and thats a good thing, or so you would think. The water was pissing out the back of the shower head on to the ´LIVE´ electric cables.
I pointed this out to Fred, Fred pointed this out in his best Spanish to the receptionist well anyway, she thought we were crazy and the first to complain about the fear of electrocution ´I am a westerner´, indeed i am. In europe the owner wold be charged with attempted murder, in South America, they think your over reacting.

Bought new shoes for $11, not bad, they feel like i´ve been wearing them for years and this is day 2, maybe if i was living on Jupeter with them they would be years old (God knows, sometimes i think i am there)
The daze of doing without Cafe tinto are numbered so i´m off for some Tintos (Expressos to you)

The whole country feels like it´s ´Student month´ and this years competetion between Colleges is to steal all the feckin toilet seats, not a very smart thing to do. These people shouldnt be in colleges if you ask me, they should be digging holes in a field, 20kms from any toilet and where the only harm they can do is to themselves.

Packing your backpack for Columbia ?
Along with things you might consider packing in your backpack, would be a toilet seat. Business men looking for a good idea, a toilet seat you can strap on to a backpack, Or if your a cheapskate and like squatting on toilets do that. But i cant see the Queen doing that and i cant see many of her loyal subjects doing that either, can you ?

Kieran

P.s.
A big hello to all my friends on Jupiter

Guinea pig races or is it a Tuesday thing

Two rare illustrations featuring the adventures of A.A. Milne's creation, Winnie-the-Pooh, are to go under the hammer at Bonhams in London later this month. This one is titled "Tigers don't like honey."

Watch this video first



Well well, as you might be able to see from the Guinea pig movie, i saw the most incredible thing since i´ve given up peeing stanging up (I cant hold something that big) today. ´What what what feckin now you say´ The Guinea feckin´ pigs of course. The guy had them lined up on a line and they stayed there, and off they went, it seemed like they were trained not to go into the plastic bowl with money on it, which made the ´Dumb Guinea pig´far smarter than the Author of this story, far far indeed.

Went around the city with an English white guy (I dont discriminate because he´s white), i was hoping i might learn some of the Queens english from him, all i managed to do was confuse people in Spanish every i time i tried speaking Spanish, not good for your confidence i can tell you. Ended up in getting a hair cut for 6,000 Pesos, 3 dollars to all the Americanos out there, styled if you will, from a Gay Columbian guy, i gave him a free reign in fact ´Do what you think is good´, famous last words to Gerrard the Farmer (Last guy who cut my hair, slightly under the influence of many substances too)

Not to the mothers amusement, she did not think it was stylish, my stylist guarenteed me i would find a nice Columbian girl as opposoed to the ones i might normally find with my hair being in it´s normal state, hmmm not sure if i can feel a change, but as the house version of that sex pistols tune, ´...It´s coming some time´ Authors note, FYI, they are talking about Anarchy there so dont get carried away, ok ?

Day 2 of writing this blog (Rome wasent built in a day, Ok, or so i´m told)
Going to a student demonstration with a Canadian when he wakes up, i´m sort of entertaining myself by doing what i´m doing, which right now is including a full stop right here. I think i should get a life, oh what the hell, i´ll put in another full stop, not here but here.

No, i´ll do better, i´ll go and demonstrate about something, the students are demonstrating about something, they are demonstrating (when the Canadian guy wakes up, right now they are probably drinking coffee and waiting for him, a bit like me i suppose, except i dont have coffee, lucky bastards) about the Government.

What you might ask would a government do that might upset the students, well the government want to privatise the colleges and let make other people make money from the students, because they not. Tough shit student´s, or maybe not, time will tell.
So you might ask, whats it like travelling South America, and to tell you the truth i would´nt know, i just hang out in places i find that i happen to like, but one person that seems like she knows is my friend Carola from Barcelona.

Here she is:
I came back to the hostel at 7pm after a fucking long and tiring day at los nevados and the hot springs, took my backpack and left to the bus station. once there i took a minibus to medellin, got there around 1am and had to wait until 5am for my bus to santa marta in the atlantic coast.
But the best part is that the fucking road was closed for whatever reason related to the rain, and we had to take the long way which means that i arrived around 1am after 20hrs on a bus that only stopped once to eat and go to the toilet..... so you can imagine i wanted to kill everyone on that bus, specially the driver and the 3 or 4 babies that spent their time crying and shouting and yelling and screaming......
anyway, i finally got here, spent the whole day doing nothing at the beach, though it wasn't a paradise beach as i thought but a crowded, loud beach full of colombians, with black sand and dirty water :( tomorrow morning i'm going to tayrona national park which is supposed to have beautiful beaches and a little archeological site.... will sleep there on a hammock and then on wednesday i'm leaving to barranquilla to meet my friend and have crazy party nights to celebrate my 25th birthday!

Missed saying goodby to Carola, because i was Watching Apocalypse now, directors cut with the long scene with the French family having dinner, fuckin long, 3 hours and 20, did i say long ?
The French guy was explaining why they did not want to move from the Jungle ´We have lost all the wars, but we will not lose this place´, nice one France
That and of course ´I love the smell of napalm in the morning.......... it smells like victory´

Nahh, travelling doesnt really apeal to me, i´d rather hang out.
What else ?
Going to see Olaf on Friday before he goes home, should be funny
Moving to Sue hostel for the Weekend, i´ve heard a lot about the parties there and there i will be for the weekend.

Still hanging out with Fuckin Fred from France, and lots of other gringos, i think my Spanish has taken a bit of a stumble, but i still might make it over the line, all be it last, but over the line, maybe at this rate in 50 years and i dont think i have that long to live.

Rang home, talked to Coda Callaghan, i asked her if my room was ready in her new house, she said ´Yes´, which was a bit more promising that sleeping at home in Church Hill i can tell you. 4 months ago saying that really pissed her off, and she´s only 3, how people change.

What else ?
My EFPOS card still works, thank´s to the shitty service at the Comenwealth Bank, whome i rang a month ago to cancel my card and have a new one posted out, it never came and i was beginning to think my Auntie Theresa was a bit slack and i got to thinking, maybe they didnt cancel it and the guy in the call centre was more interested in his email or downloading porn, turns out i was right, but how could a bank be that bad you say, they are i say.
Stay tuned
Peace out

In Columbia spending too much money

Photo of a gorgeted puffleg, a new species of hummingbird.
The new blue-and-green throated hummingbird species has been discovered in a cloud forest in Colombia, and already needs protection from human encroachment.




Well hello there people non people, monkeys ?
Monkeys:
From one monkey to another trying to type another Shakesphere play, sonnet or story, I´ve been doing this blog for about 7 months am i on the right track or am i wasting my time ? Any of you monkeys with prior writing experience, i´d love to hear from you.

Searching for inspiration, Searching for inspiration, Searching for inspiration, right, found it i think

I suppose the best thing to do here, not hear, but from here is to tell the truth.

Ahh, you say, now i´m finally going to know, yeah you will, but first i´m going to disguise the truth, throw a little bit of sugar on it if you will.
Do you have a sweet tooth ? I hope you do.

Oh did you notice by the way ? I went to the trouble (For your benifit i might add) of putting Google ad´s on my site
The way i look at it, you do some shopping and check out my waffle on a weekly basis, and i know how much people like shopping.

I once went shoppng myself and it was very rewarding too let me tell you, the underware i bought by the way after 4 weeks fit like a glove or like
underware, or whatever, so if you dont mind click on the ad´s so i can make a few quid, if you wouldnt mind, ok niceties aside, on with the story.

Got an Email from my Friend Olaf from East Germany, classic stuff, so here it is

hello grazy boy,
how are you and what doing your ears?
where you ben now?
I am on bogota,tomorow i travling to medellin ,after this to catagena,i
think I am there about the
-------- Original-Nachricht10.05.
you can written wherwe you stay.
good lucky,tahe care and carful for the danger girls
ps.and you los agian samthing?
I hop you understund the mail,but you a clever boy --------

Good stuff, and to all yeee out there, if you send me a good mail, i´ll stick it on the blog too, even mails from girls, midgits, whatever !!

I had a good time in San Capriani, the only way to get there is on a motor bike rigged up on a railway line, spent 4 nights there, great for pratcing my Spanish, if only my english was as good.

Saw a dog in San Cipriani that wouldnt let other dogs pass on the road, alright you say big deal i see that all the time ?
No you dont, not like this anyway

The dog in question was not aggressive and didnt even look at the other dog, it just kept getting it´s way, and he kept it up for a good 15 minutes at a time, a bit of a pain in the ass, if your the other dog.

The same dog, i´m sitting outside the restaurant with the grandmother (and no we wernt holding hands) and all of a sudden i hear a huge yelping and this little dog comes running for it´s life
Then the big stupid looking dog comes out, the grandmother and meself are laughing

I say to her in Spanish, ´Why is your dog looking for love´, she didnt have an answer for me and maybe there isnt an answer. Hmmmmmm

Stay tuned

Nothing is as funny as Albatros Sex, no joke

Well well it´s that time again

What time you say, time to string a few words together, put them into sentences and try
and make sense of things, if that makes any sense.

As from the title of this story you can imagine were it is going, but we´ll get to that later.
Now, what was i going to say, well, since i left you i went on an 8 day trip around the Galapagos, and what a trip it was, except for me getting an ear infection and still popping pills and staying out of the water, luck for me someone on the boat penecillin and some pain killers, or else i was in trouble, funny how long these things take to get better.

Well i suppose that will ´Learn me´ for not taking these things seriously, but then again one of my major problems is not being able to take ´Things´ seriously, and i´m being serious obout that one folks, not sure what the lesson in the story is, but it´s there. lesson learnt. Move on, ok so.

Met an English chick before getting on the boat cruze, and as it turns out, there is someone else in the world that talks as much bullshit as me, and it´s not me or my evil twin, although it does sometimes feel like i do have a evil twin, lets call him ´Bad Kieran´ for arguement sake, and when he had the ´Bad chemicals´ going on in his head just about anything can happen and it sometimes does, sometimes.

Had a normal time on the boat, and it felt strange, Em (The Aussie) thought it was funny when i told her i was normally more talkative, for her i was talking a lot. Couldnt really get the words out with a pounding pain (Or in Spanish ´Duele´, but thats spanish) in me ear, nope i didnt feel much like talking. By the time we got back though i was getting out a few words. Yes indeed here come´s an avalanche of words, look out boys and girls, head to the hills, Arghhhhhhh.

Now on to what has to be the funniest thing on the trip, lbatros Sex.
Close your eyes, and try to imagine this folks, got them closed ? ok so, here we go.

Naughty Naughty, i see you


Behind a bush i saw this bird stand on the shoulders of another bird, i´m no expert but i´m hoping it was a female, it would be a bit ermbarrasing for me to know i was cheering on 2 male birds going for it, yep very embarrasing.

After a few frantic moments, to the poor birs below it must have seemed like an eternity it was all over.

Now the macho on top, has what looks like to me a smile on his face, yes he´s smiling , definatly smiling and proceeds to walk away 10 feet there abouts and the other bird does the same and sit looking at a bush, now they are not more than 15 feet away from each other both looking into a bush looking in opposite directions, and the macho on top is still smiling away to himself, i nearly pissed myself laughing.

I dont think i´ll ever forget it, and while everybody else was snapping pictures, Kieran with no camera saw the love scene of the century, if it could be called that, which it can because it´s my story and i´m playing god here, so thats it ´love scene of the century´

Thats it, stop reading, get a life and write a story about it, i did and i´ll probably do it again, so there !