Thursday, May 31, 2007

Where have all the toilet seats gone ?

Probably the most photographed dog in Columbia, his permanent residence is top of the road from Sue Hostel

Didnt think i´d be writing so much in Columbia, but there you go, just goes to show that a lot of things are happening here, not that´s what the English or US government would like you to hear.

I was reading recently, US citizens were advised not to go to Columbia, but in fact Columbia is a lot safer than Washington, a lot. So what does this amazing fact mean you ask, not a lot really, unless your French.

The French have recently signed an agreement with the Guirelas here in Columbia in which no French people will be kidnapped, so in case you are kidnapped, act snooty, chain smoke, demand coffee and crossants and go on about how your cheeses are the best and everything is ´Fuckin shet´, case closed.

I´m in Villa de Ayera today and they are shooting a movie in the square, they shot the first season of Zorro here (No bullets were used, tempting to put some reference to 50 Cents here, but not today)

Tour start´s:
Founded in 1572, Villa de Leyva was declared a national monument in 1954.
A colonial town par excellence, it has been preserved in its entirety -
the impressive Plaza Mayor is lined with whitewashed colonial houses and churches.
Villa enjoys a dry, mild climate and is within easy reach of the capital,
making it a popular weekend getaway for Bogotános.

The Zorro filiming went on for 6 months, from what i know of the ledgened, the Zorro character
is based on an Irish guy in Mexico and if you dont believe me, click here

Tour over:
Other signifant events this week
Signed up with facebook, now i can be part of the ´Buzz´ along with all the Americans (an the people that should have been born in America..... and drafted to fight for democracy)

Saw American Splendor, good movie, one good quote from it was ´Life is about enjoying the ride´and truth be told, been having quite a ride this year and i think it will continue in this manner too for another year anyway, well maybe a year and a half, why stop there, go for 2 years more ok so, i think i will, and it was done.

Fred (Fuckin Fred from France) departed this morning, headed North, bye bye Fred, i´m going South. He was telling me we have been hanging out for 3 weeks, no wonder my Spanish has gone down the toilet, if Spanish was on my School report card the comment would be ´Needs more work, has a tendency to be lazy´

True enough, i´m not argueing with you there love, but as long as i´m having fun, thats the main thing.

Heading back to Bogota tomorrow, will only have 8 days to get back to Quito, should be able to do it comfortably, want to see the church on the steep hill on the border, flying is out of the question.

So what did i do in the Nations Capital the last time i passed through, drinking, partying, meeting crazy people witnessing crazy people, wrote about crazy people, forgot the Spanish i learned and drank coffee.

What will i do if i go back, the same as above, but this time i have a sneaky plan, if i stay 1 night theres no way i can do all of the above, Kieran saves the day yet again.

Been eating lots of healthy food too in the last few weeks, i´ve never been happier to eat salad and it´s all credit to my foot. What happened you ask ? Well i´ll tell you.

In San Cipriani i hurt my foot, i moved on to Salento and not being able to walk far i was able to hobble across the road and buy lots of fruit and vegetables and fried chicken around the corner
Now i´m like a junky for salad, i´ve also accuired lots of new Vegeterian recepies which is a welcome relief from discussing ´Whitch Burning´s´ at social occcasions if and when they do arise.

Switched hostel from `Death Hostel´, why ? They had electric showers, and thats a good thing, or so you would think. The water was pissing out the back of the shower head on to the ´LIVE´ electric cables.
I pointed this out to Fred, Fred pointed this out in his best Spanish to the receptionist well anyway, she thought we were crazy and the first to complain about the fear of electrocution ´I am a westerner´, indeed i am. In europe the owner wold be charged with attempted murder, in South America, they think your over reacting.

Bought new shoes for $11, not bad, they feel like i´ve been wearing them for years and this is day 2, maybe if i was living on Jupeter with them they would be years old (God knows, sometimes i think i am there)
The daze of doing without Cafe tinto are numbered so i´m off for some Tintos (Expressos to you)

The whole country feels like it´s ´Student month´ and this years competetion between Colleges is to steal all the feckin toilet seats, not a very smart thing to do. These people shouldnt be in colleges if you ask me, they should be digging holes in a field, 20kms from any toilet and where the only harm they can do is to themselves.

Packing your backpack for Columbia ?
Along with things you might consider packing in your backpack, would be a toilet seat. Business men looking for a good idea, a toilet seat you can strap on to a backpack, Or if your a cheapskate and like squatting on toilets do that. But i cant see the Queen doing that and i cant see many of her loyal subjects doing that either, can you ?


A big hello to all my friends on Jupiter

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Did anyone order a drunk Naked Irish guy ?

A police officer stands watch over naked demonstrators at the Baltic Sea resort of Heiligendamm, where the G8 summit will be held next month. Stripping off in protest is a German tradition and was a subtle but popular form of rebellion in the East before the fall of the Berlin Wall

Well, well, well, what can i say.

The story gets more intricate, if i may use such a word, which i can, because i´m god Authors note: God in French means ´Sex toy´
So my only advuce at this point is beware of French people that referr to you as a Sex toy, it´s not all glory you know!

What i´m really here to relate to you, not talk is the Crazy irish guy i met on my way back back from writing to you, yes you, so pay attention.

Hrtr we go, i finished typing (I´m not related to Jaque Kourack), i got a burst of inspiration, a tell all, no holds barred.

But we are here to talk about he Kerry man/Irish guy

I was trying to open my door (Tricky business), when this guy with a botttle of Rum came up to me.
Managed to explain myelf sufficently (Back to the ) Irish guy.

The Kerry man could´nt find his hostle and led the assualt on the kerry coastline

He was off his game, telling me it was his right as a backpacker to be naked and do stupid things, if not, you should work in the Work house (Existed in Ifreland over s 200 years, as Madonna would say Time goes slowley.

Day 2 of writing this entry

The reson for this is, my eyesight was failing me and there was too many spelling mistakes to be funny, just stupid. Now i´m digging up, so upwards and onwards.

Since i mety the Kerry man (Ran naked through Hostel Sue) and said to me afterwards ´I Think i´ll do it again´, truely off his game, maybe he´s the only sane person here, i dont know

Going to see Argentina and Ireland play tomorrow, rugby, should be good,, going with Fred and the Argentenian guy, All is good, and if we win better.

Back to the naked Irish guy, turns out he rushed the door and said ´You Canadian´s are just like Americian´s, only quieter´, true enough.

But the funniest bit was when the guys were smoking Joints and playing poker and a naked guy comes flying in and sits on jis ass and watches you playing, if anything you´d be thinking ´I have to stop smoking this shtuff´

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Craziest nigh on record, by a long shot

Dragon dancers parade during a ceremony in Chengdu in south-west China's Sichuan province

Can this be real, cause i feel fake, Ricky Martin and Ricky lake, telling me things that i dont need to know

What the fuck happend last night, the truth be told, i dont really know, but i´ll tell you what i can

Getting the streaming music working is driving me crazy, playing one of my CD´s playing, thank god for Mark Murphy.

Went out last night with Fred, Will and myself. i consider myself a person, well at least i try, and try i do, after all god loves a trier, what does he hate ? A smimey bastard, that i am not, well at least i think i´m not, but first read on and come to your own conclusions.

It´s nowe 6.42am, havent slepd yet, why you say ? I´m getting to that.

As i said, i went out, Fred went home, as i thought he might, bye bye Fred, he´s now asleep, but that has nothing to do with the story, but it might be relevent in getting a bit of a contrast.

Met a German guy, then i met his friends, he said his friends were ok, so we drove on (Well we walked around the corner) to a happening club, well a bottle shop, with what i think was Techno playing, i didnt really care, it wasnt Reggethon or Salsa, party on Whane.

I saw a guy with an Australian top on, and in all fairness when you see a sight like that, you´d be inclined in thinking that they were Australian, he was not i´m sad to report. He was in fact a Canadian guy, trying to keep warm.

Well it wasnt long before Will made his introduction and started yapping away with a local chick that looked more Dutch than Columbian, no big deal.
The Canadian (Mike to be exact) started making love with his face, no one got hurt with a Columbian chick.

What was i doing, i was the dancing queen, and i was playing the part well if i dont so myself.

We ajurned downstairs for a bit, where i got a Spanish/Columbian rap, with my name thrown in here and there, for about 10 min it was too much for me to handle.

The club finished and we went off walking, the gringos/guys got stung for more drink purchased on the way, cheers ladies
We ended up at someones house, and the process of knocking commenced, where by to everyones amazement the door was opened and in we filed in total darkness and out to the back of the house.

So standing in the darkness, the habitant, for the lack of a better word produced a light bulb and proceeded to install in and then there was light, after a while the birds started singing, and then there was sound, but no rock, not yet anyway.

After some time it was decided that Mick, myself and his ´Bird´ would head back to the hostle.
We got back, and proceeded to drink a fair bit of water, and then, in my infinate wisdom decided we were having too much fun to end it there, so off we went again.

On the way the Columbian chick, in her infinate wisdom stopped here and there to recite poetery, what a laugh with cops watching us.

Remember, this is a quiet Wednesday night, gone terribly wrong, terribly.

So we ended up back at the dodgy house, where the other 2 Columbians were hanking out, so we joined them, and had a dance, well i was anyway.

After another undefined time there again we finally made a brake for it and in between meself and Mick in stiches laughing at the Columbian, i made it home, they went of fon their merry way and i went to bed, but not for long.

I had to get up and write this story, so good or bad it´s a story that need to be told, so there.

What a laugh, i wonder what Thursday night will be like ?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Guinea pig races or is it a Tuesday thing

Two rare illustrations featuring the adventures of A.A. Milne's creation, Winnie-the-Pooh, are to go under the hammer at Bonhams in London later this month. This one is titled "Tigers don't like honey."

Watch this video first

Well well, as you might be able to see from the Guinea pig movie, i saw the most incredible thing since i´ve given up peeing stanging up (I cant hold something that big) today. ´What what what feckin now you say´ The Guinea feckin´ pigs of course. The guy had them lined up on a line and they stayed there, and off they went, it seemed like they were trained not to go into the plastic bowl with money on it, which made the ´Dumb Guinea pig´far smarter than the Author of this story, far far indeed.

Went around the city with an English white guy (I dont discriminate because he´s white), i was hoping i might learn some of the Queens english from him, all i managed to do was confuse people in Spanish every i time i tried speaking Spanish, not good for your confidence i can tell you. Ended up in getting a hair cut for 6,000 Pesos, 3 dollars to all the Americanos out there, styled if you will, from a Gay Columbian guy, i gave him a free reign in fact ´Do what you think is good´, famous last words to Gerrard the Farmer (Last guy who cut my hair, slightly under the influence of many substances too)

Not to the mothers amusement, she did not think it was stylish, my stylist guarenteed me i would find a nice Columbian girl as opposoed to the ones i might normally find with my hair being in it´s normal state, hmmm not sure if i can feel a change, but as the house version of that sex pistols tune, ´...It´s coming some time´ Authors note, FYI, they are talking about Anarchy there so dont get carried away, ok ?

Day 2 of writing this blog (Rome wasent built in a day, Ok, or so i´m told)
Going to a student demonstration with a Canadian when he wakes up, i´m sort of entertaining myself by doing what i´m doing, which right now is including a full stop right here. I think i should get a life, oh what the hell, i´ll put in another full stop, not here but here.

No, i´ll do better, i´ll go and demonstrate about something, the students are demonstrating about something, they are demonstrating (when the Canadian guy wakes up, right now they are probably drinking coffee and waiting for him, a bit like me i suppose, except i dont have coffee, lucky bastards) about the Government.

What you might ask would a government do that might upset the students, well the government want to privatise the colleges and let make other people make money from the students, because they not. Tough shit student´s, or maybe not, time will tell.
So you might ask, whats it like travelling South America, and to tell you the truth i would´nt know, i just hang out in places i find that i happen to like, but one person that seems like she knows is my friend Carola from Barcelona.

Here she is:
I came back to the hostel at 7pm after a fucking long and tiring day at los nevados and the hot springs, took my backpack and left to the bus station. once there i took a minibus to medellin, got there around 1am and had to wait until 5am for my bus to santa marta in the atlantic coast.
But the best part is that the fucking road was closed for whatever reason related to the rain, and we had to take the long way which means that i arrived around 1am after 20hrs on a bus that only stopped once to eat and go to the toilet..... so you can imagine i wanted to kill everyone on that bus, specially the driver and the 3 or 4 babies that spent their time crying and shouting and yelling and screaming......
anyway, i finally got here, spent the whole day doing nothing at the beach, though it wasn't a paradise beach as i thought but a crowded, loud beach full of colombians, with black sand and dirty water :( tomorrow morning i'm going to tayrona national park which is supposed to have beautiful beaches and a little archeological site.... will sleep there on a hammock and then on wednesday i'm leaving to barranquilla to meet my friend and have crazy party nights to celebrate my 25th birthday!

Missed saying goodby to Carola, because i was Watching Apocalypse now, directors cut with the long scene with the French family having dinner, fuckin long, 3 hours and 20, did i say long ?
The French guy was explaining why they did not want to move from the Jungle ´We have lost all the wars, but we will not lose this place´, nice one France
That and of course ´I love the smell of napalm in the morning.......... it smells like victory´

Nahh, travelling doesnt really apeal to me, i´d rather hang out.
What else ?
Going to see Olaf on Friday before he goes home, should be funny
Moving to Sue hostel for the Weekend, i´ve heard a lot about the parties there and there i will be for the weekend.

Still hanging out with Fuckin Fred from France, and lots of other gringos, i think my Spanish has taken a bit of a stumble, but i still might make it over the line, all be it last, but over the line, maybe at this rate in 50 years and i dont think i have that long to live.

Rang home, talked to Coda Callaghan, i asked her if my room was ready in her new house, she said ´Yes´, which was a bit more promising that sleeping at home in Church Hill i can tell you. 4 months ago saying that really pissed her off, and she´s only 3, how people change.

What else ?
My EFPOS card still works, thank´s to the shitty service at the Comenwealth Bank, whome i rang a month ago to cancel my card and have a new one posted out, it never came and i was beginning to think my Auntie Theresa was a bit slack and i got to thinking, maybe they didnt cancel it and the guy in the call centre was more interested in his email or downloading porn, turns out i was right, but how could a bank be that bad you say, they are i say.
Stay tuned
Peace out

Friday, May 18, 2007

Black shamrocks and anything i can think of

Two Quechua women exchange blows as part of celebrations for the Tinku Festival in the city of Macha, Bolivia. The pre-Colombian ritual consists of rival villages engaging in hand-to-hand combat that tradition says will secure richer, more prosperous crops in the coming year.

Well hello there it´s that time again to scribble a little note and tell you whats been happening in a world i like to call ´kieran world´

Yes it´s a world where not everything seems real all the time only on the surface and when you scratch a little well some times you can win big cash prizes, like $10,000 thats a big cash prize or $10 or another ticket or just feck all and you walk away feeling like some one has given you a kick in the balls from the 60 yeard line and they´ve missed.

Enough of the sad story, i´m here to talk to you today boys and gurls about black Shamrocks, ahhh the image congurs up romantic notions of the Emeral isle, guinness, the little people (Known to most in America as Leprechans), lashing rain, a lashing of Pints(I´m not making it up) and good Craic (Not the kind you get in America, but equally as addictive)

What does all this mean you say ?

Well, 3 Irish guys were in the Columbian jungle birdwatching
A fact that is a bit hard to believe since they were caught teaching the Gurilas (No the Hairy type.... i hope) how to blow things up.

I know what your thinking, what the feck does this have to do with some lads out birdwatching minding their own business.

The answer to that one is, Ít doesnt, they lied, they are lyers boys and gurls, lyers is what they are in fact, and thius is the tale i´m trying to tell you.

So anyway the boys are in the Capital, their trial starts, representives are sent from the Irish government to make sure they get a fair trial, big intertnatial incident, big news.

And do you know what happened ?
The went and fecked off, thats what they did, and turned up in Ireland 6 months later.

Now i´m windering did they get a photo of the Gorgeted puffleg, a new species of hummingbird to be seen below

Probably not, i´m thinking, they dont seem like the kind of bird to have any ionterest in watching things being blown up, no none at all, which doesnt make them any less interesting, well not to me anyway.

But sticking to the topic of the story, well the first part anyway.

Black Shamrocks, the Military here have hijacked our Shamrock symbol, painted it black and stuck it on their uniform.

Now what can we do, well the words of the Rolling Stones have just inspired me, tell me what you think

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black

You see, paint it all black and we´re all equal, thanks a feckin´ lot Columbian army, everything´s going to look like a
black anmd white movie.

Dont just sity there, get painting, you dont get paid to sit !!!!


If you do get paid to sit, sorry

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

In Columbia spending too much money

Photo of a gorgeted puffleg, a new species of hummingbird.
The new blue-and-green throated hummingbird species has been discovered in a cloud forest in Colombia, and already needs protection from human encroachment.

Well hello there people non people, monkeys ?
From one monkey to another trying to type another Shakesphere play, sonnet or story, I´ve been doing this blog for about 7 months am i on the right track or am i wasting my time ? Any of you monkeys with prior writing experience, i´d love to hear from you.

Searching for inspiration, Searching for inspiration, Searching for inspiration, right, found it i think

I suppose the best thing to do here, not hear, but from here is to tell the truth.

Ahh, you say, now i´m finally going to know, yeah you will, but first i´m going to disguise the truth, throw a little bit of sugar on it if you will.
Do you have a sweet tooth ? I hope you do.

Oh did you notice by the way ? I went to the trouble (For your benifit i might add) of putting Google ad´s on my site
The way i look at it, you do some shopping and check out my waffle on a weekly basis, and i know how much people like shopping.

I once went shoppng myself and it was very rewarding too let me tell you, the underware i bought by the way after 4 weeks fit like a glove or like
underware, or whatever, so if you dont mind click on the ad´s so i can make a few quid, if you wouldnt mind, ok niceties aside, on with the story.

Got an Email from my Friend Olaf from East Germany, classic stuff, so here it is

hello grazy boy,
how are you and what doing your ears?
where you ben now?
I am on bogota,tomorow i travling to medellin ,after this to catagena,i
think I am there about the
-------- Original-Nachricht10.05.
you can written wherwe you stay.
good lucky,tahe care and carful for the danger girls
ps.and you los agian samthing?
I hop you understund the mail,but you a clever boy --------

Good stuff, and to all yeee out there, if you send me a good mail, i´ll stick it on the blog too, even mails from girls, midgits, whatever !!

I had a good time in San Capriani, the only way to get there is on a motor bike rigged up on a railway line, spent 4 nights there, great for pratcing my Spanish, if only my english was as good.

Saw a dog in San Cipriani that wouldnt let other dogs pass on the road, alright you say big deal i see that all the time ?
No you dont, not like this anyway

The dog in question was not aggressive and didnt even look at the other dog, it just kept getting it´s way, and he kept it up for a good 15 minutes at a time, a bit of a pain in the ass, if your the other dog.

The same dog, i´m sitting outside the restaurant with the grandmother (and no we wernt holding hands) and all of a sudden i hear a huge yelping and this little dog comes running for it´s life
Then the big stupid looking dog comes out, the grandmother and meself are laughing

I say to her in Spanish, ´Why is your dog looking for love´, she didnt have an answer for me and maybe there isnt an answer. Hmmmmmm

Stay tuned

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Am i still in Feckin' Quito

A normally conservative Canadian goes wild on a big night in Quito

So I'm thinking, will i write something, wont i, will i, wont i, will i, wont i, alright so i will and so it begins, because as all people know, if you want to do something anything, you first have to start, and so it begins, and thats where we are right now, the start, and we're off.

Well whats happened, had a bit of a dinner party around the corner at the girls place and in disgust i came back to get some real music when tragedy struck.
Someone let in the thieving gypsies in and guess what they done did to me ? Still guessing, well move your eyes to the next line.

Ready ? I'll tell you what they did, the went and stoled my mp3 player, no big deal i hear you say, i don't like good electronic and house music anyway, but i do, thats my point.

It bad enough they stole my mp3 player, they have music no one else in the world has. What a deal, for the thieving gypsies, that is. I don't get anything, no deal for me, just tough luck, and plenty of it, oh would you like a bit more tough luck there Kieran "No no, I've had enough really, i just couldn't have even a little bit more" Tough luck, will 2 bags be enough ?

I hope so.

Well not to get all philosophical, but it could be covered by insurance, and all the music is backed up, yep all.
I helped fix an Australian chicks i pod, job done, gave her some good music, left mine charging, i didn't have to. Hung out with the girls, went to the party, came back, asked everyone, oh bollocks, it's gone, on holidays maybe, maybe I'll never know.

I couldn't be bothered going to the cops, i got my moneys worth out of it anyway, i can get all the music again, no big deal.

Got some good books, no one steals books, Fu$%in illiterate bastards, that will teach them, I'll outsmart them with book reading.

Speaking out outsmarting people. i found my wallet, in the bottom of my bag, as it turns out, i must of came home to the ship and put it in my bag, why you say. It must of seemed like a good idea at the time.

I promised Julie i would stay one extra day in Quito, and I'm glad i was able to keep that promise.
I also promised her i would go and volunteer for a day, well a half a day, but since my alarm clock was on Galapagos time, it was a promise i could not keep.

Bridget did not believe i even made the effort to go, but as it turned out, i left a banana skin on her window. But if she did not believe i even made their effort to go it couldn't have been me ? Now could it ? Nope, defiantly not me. Not my banana, you'll have to remove it yourself missus.

Columbia to morrow, I'm making that promise to myself, no excuses. I've got nothing to lose, no camera, no iriver, no innocence, nothing, I'm off.

Time to stop writing and maybe it's time for you to stop reading this, your only encouraging me. I'm off for an ice cream.