Amsterdam was cool

Well well, it's been about 2 weeks since i've strung some words together into sentences that might make any sentences or sense.

I’ll start off by saying I woke up this morning thinking, ‘Where the fuck did I leave the mackrle’ and truth be told, now that I’ve had a cup of tea and watched a bit of a program about how the fall of Greece was communicated and how Napoleon liked to communicate, I’m thinking ‘Where did I put the mackerel’, Where oh where.
I got it for free in a pub yesterday afternoon

Well there either in Cummins kitchen across the road, about a 10% chance of that, or down in Roy’s beer garden about a 110% of that one, ‘Doesn’t make sense’ you say, I know, I know !

I have lots of notes on the last 2 weeks, the first note is ‘Doms birthday’ and yes it certainly was. So we went to Amsterdam to celebrate Sue and Noel having sex 21 years and 9 months ago, was there a lot of alcohol consumed you might say, ‘I’d certainly hope so, it’s much more fun anyway’

Well before I go any further it’s probably worth noting that I went out with Hughie the night before, we had a few, lost him or he lot me, I’ll give him a ring later to clarify this one, actually I rang him yesterday, conversation went along the lines of

ME: Hello is Hughie there?
Someone in Hughie’s house: No, goodbye
Phone hangs up
Me: ????

It happened just like that, I’ll call again to see if their telephone skills have gotten better.

Back to Amsterdam, no before all that, the mother drove us to the airport and the highlights would include the mother telling be when I got home the night before ‘Do you have your passport’, after much searching a bag was retrieved from the car with passport, put it on the Kitchen table

Off we went to the Airport, got to the airport, mother got petrol (Cars drink that stuff) and I realized the passport was at home (remember before it was in the car) off home we go.
Coming back to the airport on the roundabout before the tunnel the car conks out, so we are out pushing the car on one of the busiest roundabouts in Cork, Dom is on the phone to his mat that has a car that can do 200km an hour and the car starts and we are off again.

Got to the Airport and the ATM took my card and wouldn’t give it back, I waited and waited then it gave it back, what a relief

Back to Amsterdam had some Philosopher Stone mushrooms, 2 days in fact
The first day we went into the Sex Museum, what a laugh !!!

On one level you had Snow white and the 7 dwarfs with a really nicely painted room, with (No joking) cartoon porn going on 2 TV’s. So anyway I was off having conversations with Snow White (Maybe I fancied my chances, looking at the competition, maybe I was right)

Me: What’s up with your friend there, he’s looking a bit grumpy, and so on and so forth, trippin’
In fairness, I did try and leave that room 3 times, but could not do it, had to come back every time, until there was nothing more for to go up, upwards and onwards, for Ahhhhh, No!! More of the same stuff again.

I remember thinking ‘Where the hell are we again?’, after a while ‘Oh, yeah, the sex museum, fuckin hell’, it’s true we were. From there on in, everyone was made of Bananas (This is true)
Walking around outside later, me ‘Sex show, I would have never thought of that’, where am I again, oh yeah the red light district, the mother did say we were some pity.

Not the redlight district


Went on a Pizza cruise (Dom had the photos of that) very nice, and the Heineken experience, the Guinness tour was far far better.


Joined Facebook, was chatting with a Heidi (Hello Heidi) from Amsterdam, didn’t meet up with her. Maybe it is all part of Gods play, might have to start talking with him again.
I did have some good conversations with my self in Amsterdam though, I was having a good time. I have since stopped, I think I’m getting boring or something ?

Amsterdam is very like Sweden in that they love technology and cycling around in very old bikes, and even talking on their mobile while cycling, yes they have mastered the art of multitasking.
It would be funny to see Italians do that, some of them need to wave their hands to talk, might be a few crashes there.

Didn’t book accommodation for the Saturday and Sunday, but I managed to hook up with a Scottish guy Will and stay at his place, the alternative was partying all weekend or getting the bus or train in the direction of Paris, but for £50 I stayed with Will and did some sleeping, which I really needed and did. It was nice.

View from Wills balcony



Will the chancer was making this bed up in the loft of his apartment.
Him: ‘I’m just changing the sheets’
Me: (Thinking, yeah right, he just told me he hasn’t done any washing in ages) and I was right, I needed sleep and didn’t give a shit either way.

I was in one of the nice coffee shops before I left and witnessed an Israeli guy faint (he was low on Sugar) his friends thought he was dying and were punching him and nearly smashed the place up.

The girl gives them 2 sugar drinks, doesn’t charge them, this happens 10 times a day for her, ok everything is coming back to normal, they are very happy he is still alive, then they want another one, ok, but this time they have to pay the £2, their response is, ‘I thought it was free, no thanks’ and walks off, hard to believe. Guess he wasn’t worth £2 after all.

Went to the Van Gough museum, Dom was feeling a little under the weather.

The first night we were hanging out with a guy from Boston, most of the time Dom and himself were rapping away, I think they were talking English, I think, everyone was made of bananas, whatever language that is.

Went to the live Sex show, Dom’s comment had me in stitches
Dom: (Looks at very seriously and says) ‘I don’t know how they do it boy’

Because it being his birthday, he felt the need to go to the highly recommended ‘Banana bar’ for 1 hours entertainment, entertainment consisting of
1, All you can drink for 1 hour
2, Eating a banana out of a chicks crotch (They do say that fruit is you, now I think that is very true
3, Large dildos shooting out of vaginas, any midfielders out there ?
4, Oh yeah a face massage with a pair of breasts, yeah 2 of them!!

Met a chick, who was a rep for Orange (Mobile phone company), and she brought her clients there.
I was telling her that the banana bar wasn’t tax deductible, how could you negative gear something that funny?

But the best of all was they wrote Dom a postcard, not using their hands, very talented girls. The funniest bit the writing they did (not using their hands) was better than my handwriting. I was asking them if they tried copying any Van Gough paintings, I was impressed.

Dom left (Bye bye Dom) I went on a cycling tour of Amsterdam, very cool city.
Took pictures of Ann Frank’s house and line to go in, I didn’t feel like waiting hours to see the inside of a cupboard and she wasn’t even at home. Didn’t think there would be a ‘Go on let yourself in and make yourself a cup of tea’ note stuck to the door.

Annes place


Left Amsterdam on the 3.30 am train, but first I went to ‘Cheeky Mondays’ drum an bass club until 2.30am and saw some people I knew, I was becoming a local

I had a good time, then it bye bye Amsterdam



This is the part I call crazy transfers to Genoa with my alarm clock going off 10 minutes before my train stop
Left Amsterdam at 3.35 am, change at Rotterdam to Brussels, change train station (I had to figure that one out myself) then on to Paris
Change to North Paris, taxi to Airport, phew 30 minutes to spare, flew to Genoa

Now I know if I asked in the pub about the Mackerel , the response would be ‘That was fuckin’ you!!!’

I’m saying nothing !!!

To be continued …………

Amsterdam are you alive, it's only me, remember me ?

Spectators at the Chap & Hendricks Olympiad in Bedford Square, London. Organisers say the event is ‘A sporting day where unusually athleticism is not required as the competitors are judged on style, wit, intellect and cut of trouser’




Thought I’d do you a flavor (Yeah you, you with the head, yeah you with the 2 eye balls hanging out of your head!!)

Introducing Soupy Norman, it’s a Polish soap exceptionally well dunned with Cork accents, what a classic (And I’ve only seen 3 of them so far)

Here goes…………………



Stage 2, because when you write these things you should have a plan, I lost mine but I basically know what I want to say, in fact I think I’ll say it with pictures, not because I don’t know what to write, it’s that a picture says a thousand words and that might bring up the word count (This does not apply to word count in Word, must be a fault with Word, we’ll just blame Microsoft, everyone else does and that’s fine by me)

Queue Pictures Source http://www.foundmagazine.com/
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As Johnny Cash would say (And how he said it and everything else in between!!)
‘Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I keep a close eye on this heart of mine’
Saw ‘Walk the line’ tonight, with Spanish subtitles, ‘Excellente’ as they would say in Spanish. I did buy it and many more to watch with my mother, and that I did and she enjoyed it too ‘Excellente’.

News flash
I am excited, ‘What now’ you say. Are you eating a Jumbo breakfast roll, no but yes, I am as excited, but not that excited, because you just can’t beat a Jumbo breakfast roll.
Going to see Wallis Bird play on Tuesday night, with Susan’s Collage buddy from UCC (I wasn’t good enough for UCC, but the fake ID i bought in Thailand worked a treat, i once interviewed a girl in Sydney for a job and she had the real ID)

Without further adue


Even now since I lost my wallet in Stockholm people still believe that I’m a student, I just show them my Superman wallet I bought for a $1 in the Galapagos when I really did think I lost my wallet, I found I later, I just outsmarted myself while pissed.
I’ve been saying to people ‘Look, I’m a student; I lost my wallet in Sweden (So far it’s 50 % true) then I say ‘If I didn’t why would I be using this’ (Pulling out the Superman wallet).

Superman to the rescue. People laugh and think ‘God, he must be telling the truth, no one could make that one up’ and I hold my status in society as being a student in the university of life (It’s an ongoing progressive course) I’m not really sure where it’s leading to, but I know I’m defiantly going there, and when I’m there I’ll know.

Right, down to business

The last time I was in Amsterdam, before the next experience creaps up on me I will try and recant what happened…. The last time.

Flew from Budapest (Happened to be Easter bank holiday weekend) so far so good.

Went to check into the Jolly Carlton hotel 4 star, one weekend, I said what the Fuck, I was living in 4 Star hotels in Budapest. After filling in the form, the kind girl in reception said

Girl: ‘How would you like to pay sir?' (They call you Sir and dont ask you leave with the same breath, cool huh ?)
Me: ‘With my credit card of course' (Flicks open wallet)
Me: Oh Fuck, can’t find credit card

Kieran is back on the street, to cut a long story shorter, I ended up staying on a yacht, met heaps of people, learned to roll (No rocking), but it rocked, barely got back to Budapest, what an eye opener.
I remember a guy selling Heroine and Coke getting offended because I tried to ignore him, how funny you wouldn’t think much would upset those guys, but yes, they have feelings too, I must remember this.

I will this time have a camera to document all the things words cant describe (But not in the red light district)and since I joined Facebook, I have received some useful Touristy hints, none have included jumping in canals or running up hills (I must be thinking of another country)

Now I’m afraid if I write anymore you’ll think ‘Oh Fuck, will it ever end’ or come to a point, er… no, you must be thinking about someone else, but I will end it all with a full stop

So stay tuned folks.

Went to the wedding of the Planet or just plain old Kerry

I didnt do any of below last Saturday, but i was at a wedding, but if i could, things might have been differnt, or maybe not, we will never know!!!



Well well well

I was going to write something (and don’t worry, I’m not going to try and extort money from you by not, although if you really needed to read these words and I could get a few quid from you at the same time, things would be different and your credit card would be down a 0 or 2, but that’s wishful thinking and that’s not going to happen, maybe not in my lifetime (Here’s a mathematical joke) there you go joke over and you keep your money) and if that was all a bit too much for you, don’t worry, I guarantee you, someone out there will still love you, maybe love you even more because you don’t.

Anyway, I want to show you people some photos first, then I will kill you, not with love or kindness or empathy, all I say is give me time, maybe I will send you to heaven…… before I send you to hell, or have a cup of tea, or maybe I’ll have a sleep and we can so it all again tomorrow, or maybe not.

Going to Canada


50 Cent played in Cork last week and without further adue



Slightly confused ? Dont know what to do ? No Problem...


Wedding of the year you say, were there any photos.
Oh since you ask, here you go, Password is 'cork'
Wedding

Fraying at the edges here, and i'm not doing so well, no stories only feckin' pictures.

So some stories, hung out with Hughie on the weekend, slept in the same room as him, seperate beds, all good (I think we were all glad of that, only joking)

Well anyway went there on Friday night, charged a lash of beers to the wrong room, could have been an innocent mistake, i'm not that innocent, lost that years ago)

Met up with Hughie ahd a great time, wedding went well (Please refer to photos)

Skip to story 21 (I cant remember the others)

I wake up, i'm in 1 bed, Hughie is in the other (Believe me this is a good thing)
I ring reception at 10.45 (I know breakfast ended at 10.30)

Me: Hello there, I'm in a room with 4 walls and i would like some breakfast
Receptionist: Sorry, Breakfast ended at 10.30
Me: But you can give me some food, go on
Receptionist: Sorry, Breakfast ended at 10.30
Me: Go on, Go on, Go on, Go on,
Receptionist: Sorry, Breakfast ended at 10.30
Me: Just bring it up, in a roll if you can, we're wearing clothes and everything, you sound like a nice girl and everything
Sorry, Breakfast ended at 10.30

Cant remember the rest

Then...................

Hughie calls for milk for a cup of tea (And i answer the door)

Me: Hello (Very good way of introducing yourself........ sometimes)
Servent: Hands me a big plate of milk saches (For little cups of tea, at least 15 in fact)
Me: Erra, that wont do him at all (Pointing to Hughie)
Me: He's a Culchie from the country, he milks cows and sometimes he milks bulls
Servent: Says nothing and leaves

10 minutes later
Knock knock (No joke here folks)
Hughie opens the door
Servent hands him a full pint of milk (In a pint glass)
We're pissing ourselves

I drink the pint of milk, it was nice, nothing like it after a big wedding night !!!

Not much to add for here


Oh booked tickets to Amsterdam, will get a bus to Paris, fly to Barcelona (for the second time), but this time i have a friend there.
Then England, then home to Cork, then US, then South America, then Feck, how would i know ?????

Went to Cork V Tipperary Under 21 quater final this evening, Cork went ahead at the 32nd minute and won it in the last minute (Won it by the grace of god) Great evening to watch hurling and have warm lemonade, warm chocolate and chew on 'milky moos' hard sweets that get softer the more you chew. It was like i was 12 all over again in one of the beast evenings Cork will see this summer. Lovely hurling

Peace out

K

The times are a changing

One from http://postsecret.blogspot.com/




Well it was recommended to me that i don't drink blog anymore and to be quite honest (yes theres always a first time) and this isn't the first time. Not as dangerous as getting into a car after a few beers, but the pen is supposed to be mightier than the sword and i really didn't realize i was doing that, well not much anyway, times haver changed and i wonder if the keyboard is as mighty as the sword, any ideas ?

I know what your thinking
Maybe cos it is i is black, 'Racialisim' as Ali G might call it.. (queue awkward silence)

~Er....Glad thats over, now for some Ali G



Well i thought I'd, write a few lines, and since I'm never really short of words, I'd see what happens and maybe a picture or 2 as well (I cater for all groups, well except for all the bastards in the world, which I'm told theres quite a few, a few too many and sometimes I'm no better meself)

Recorded heaps of music for my new Creative 30Gig music player, excuse me ? Did you say 'New' and music player, well your paying attention, I'll say that much, I'll say that much and yes i did.
What does that mean, long walks in the country listening to music that i can walk to without getting tired, my mother thinks i'm the 8th wonder of the world since i don't ever get tired, i don't know, i just don't get tied, not me.

Currently listening to Guns N Roses (Axle is having a rant, as only as Axle could) and it's great. Pity that rock doesn't really do it for me anymore, pity, maybe not.

The brother's getting married in Kerry this weekend and it's going to be a lovely little weekend with the family lovely that is as long as Cork beat Offlay in the hurling. I'll be happy then, and that game is on Sunday and the wedding is on Saturday, do you think i might be able to find some kind of Clairvoyant match results 'We tell you tomorrows news today', that would be very good, then i could be happy on 2 days instead of 1, spreading my happiness over 2 days, 'Easy on the happiness, don't want to be overdoing it there Kieran'. That bit of happiness will have to do me until i get paid on Wednesday, oh don't you love those people.

I think I'll get a loan from the credit union, and pay it back £10 a week, the happiness that is. What you say ? Can i have happiness for £10 a week, yes you can

Then, check the fine pint 'Happiness not guaranteed' and 'Theres one born every minute' Which is quiet true really when you think about it, my suggestion is that you don't! Think that is, don't think, I'm not and i feel fine.

Oh no, Axle Rose is ranting again !!!!!!!

I'm going to be on my best behavior, no drink, can you see a bit of a trend developing, no drink blogging, no drink wedding, what will they think of next, lots of little plans are being hatched, not unfairly i might add, the pendulum is swinging in my direction, finally at last some people are saying (Kieran steps to the side and back again, have to remember to move out of the way again)


Bought heaps of stock for a HIV treatment pharmaceutical company (good thing), sold (Some of) the broadband internet company ( nasty business but good thing too), since we're in a new tax year, i'm not too worried, and oh 'Happy new year, er well new tax year anyway'.
2 good things in 1 tax year, i'm on a roll (And speaking of rolls, one of the best things about Ireland is you can buy 'Jumbo Breakfast rolls', Ireland i love you!!)
It's an Irish breakfast in a roll, pure genius!!!

Some thing's always better that nothing and at least I'm giving you something, and now you say 'Yeah what does that mean to me, feck all' and 'Thanks, i think I'll click on this link about Prostate cancer'. Err, sorry, didn't mean to hurt you feelings.

Don't click on that, click your mouse on this below




Bye bye

Hope the sober results are worth it, i spell checked it and everything :)

Oh i just found this too, it's good!!!

Kieran feels like he's in the Truman Show in Stockholm

Well well, it's been a week and we all know what that means.

'You buy a ticket, you take the ride' thats what Hunter S. Thompson once said and since your here, your on the ride, no refunds, keep you hands by your sides at all times.

I went to Sweden and all i brought with me was no expectations, and a bag full of books that i didn't bother reading some of them had pictures so i suppose there was no excuse for me except i was having too much fun, every single night too, not a bad effort considering that most backpackers stay away away from the place like the plague, but that's also the story for the Galapagos and they stayed away from there too, not very smart....the backpackers that is.

Me too, not very smart that is, but no man can be smart 24 hours of the day, a smart man once said that, and by repeating it I'm hoping some of that smartness will rub off on me, I'd doubt it, but it's worth a try.

Basically all i knew about Sweden was Ynwie Malmsteen (See below)



And the Chef from the Muppet show (See below)


What did you do ? What did you do you say, well the first night i arrived, seemed a bit strange the fact i couldn't book any accommodation in Dublin for Stockholm for my first night, but then the words of Dean Morrarity from Jack Kourack's 'On the road' came to mind.

Basically he was saying people when wanting to travel from A to B worry too much about where they will eat, sleep, piss, whatever that they usually end up being deterred about going and don't. But you always eat somewhere, sleep somewhere so don't worry about it, just go, so i did, with his words in mind, and i didn't mind.

Arrived, and tried to find accommodation, i tried, then i said feck it and went for a beer, met some people, went to a club met some more people, ended up drinking beer on the street until 8am and then went to check into the hostel, citybackpackers.se i think.

The helpful and later on became a bit of an issue and I'll get to that too was looking at the sky and then looking at the clock set me into a bit of a confusing state, i call this confusion, if i was i was a physiologist I'd have a better word to describe it that i still wouldn't understand, but some guy sweeping the street in Sweden would, how can their English be that good ? The confusing thing was Do i sleep or wake up, eat, drink (Didn't need any reminding there) ?

The next part of the story is called 'The chicks run the game in Sweden' and this is true. Seemed a bit strange to me anyway that in Sweden, women walk home, cycle home, do everything by themselves.

As one girl said 'Boyfriends, what do we need them for' and the proof of this was the morning of 'Glad Midsummer' they were all walking to the train station, oh yeah, they all pretty much left town, bad weekend to leave town, well so i was told, me thinks not, and for the first time i thought, I've met women who are like me, well except they all look extremely hot, me? Not, well not yet anyway, but I'm trying anyway.

The point is, it's a very very safe city and men are more afraid of women that they are of them, basically it's the complete opposite of Cork which is more like a cross between Mel Gibsons Apocolipta and Brave heart, which had me wondering.
Why is Mel Gibson making movies set in Cork ?

Speaking of Cork, i came back one night and i had to watch this.

Best hurling goal ever




See what i mean, the place was driving me crazy, well my head anyway. It's too perfect and that would drive anyone crazy !
Compared to do whatever you like South America, and I'm going back. I need anarchy, i love it!!

Actually i created a Job profile on Monster.com stating I'd be interested in a job in Sweden, but not too much.
I felt like i was on a Hollywood set half the time and half expecting I'd walk around a building and it would be all cardboard from behind a bit like that Jim Carey big brother movie The Truman Show, very annoying indeed. There all laughing now i bet, I'll bet.

Went out with a hot Lesbian to a club with a German guy, yeah even the lesbians a hot, what the hell.

Here it is, the Vikings came to Ireland, took all our gold, raped pillaged and stole all our beautiful women and now they're in Sweden, i did try asking for them back, it got a few laughs, good trade, beautiful women for a few laughs.
Maybe i should have asked for Magic Beans, that would be handy, i could climb it and get a golden goose.

On a happier note
Got an email from Kieran from Cork, don't get me confused with the other kind (Galapagos) and i could be going to the US well east coast, the west coast is locked in, well at least in my mind anyway.

Peace out for now.

P.s.
Back to the peoples republic today, Cork are playing Kerry this weekend in Kerry, wouldn't mind going, but time will tell, and I'm not in Sweden so i can be guaranteed that if time says 11pm, it will be dark, oh what Joy. Joy to the world, which
reminds me, Handel's Messiah was first performed by Himself just around the corner (Christchurch Dublin)

nuf

It would be a lovley country, if it had a roof, with insulation !

Seagulls, yeah, I couldn't believe it either



Right, now it's down to business, with Mo Funk telling me things in my ear.

Made a few notes before writing, just so i wouldn't start writing utter rubbish, that maybe you like reading, or maybe not, maybe depending on your opinion, whatever that may be, and on with the show, and so we go on.

Was over in my neighbours house last night, and what now seems like i was robbing the place, then the son 'Dom' walks in, me I'm looking for a post it note, which i found. needed to write down, and here's what i wrote 'Get guide book for Sweden'. 'Why ?' your probably asking, you'll know next week if I'm in Sweden, Malmsteen, I'm coming to see you. If i don't make it to Sweden, I'm going to get the guide book to look a the pictures. Looking no touching....... yet.

This blog entry was supposed to follow a format, so far as yet, no it's not following it, but hopefully we can change this fact, as it is a fact, yet to be disproved.

Part 1, This part i call, Back to living like a baby, which is pretty true, life must have been good as a baby, because i'm really loving it now, did someone mention a wet nurse from China ? No, no one never does, sometimes i cry myself to sleep an night wishing there was,


Bogota demonstration, the students are still at it


Seen a bit of demonstrating last week, well it appears to me that the government of Columbia spends so much money on the army that they cant afford to pay for any education, oh dear! It appears that Pol Pot's dream could live on, only if people were stupid enough to believe in it that it, and they aren't and I'm not.......yet.

Part 2, The Vodafone demonstration, why you do you say ? I'm addicted to sending txt's, i'm not, you are!
What are you on about, well telcos (The ones offering wireless, and that's pretty much all of them are evil, with a 'v', careful use of Microsoft spell check made sure of this, and my brain made sure of that, and some higher creator being made sure of all of this, OK ?
Vodafone want to stick one of their mobile phone transmitters across the road in a church spire, for more reading go here to the story in Melbournes RMIT

Basically the only benefit to having them there is if you want to die young, you will, since i dont really live here it's not too much of a problem, except i
might have to come back more often that anticipated because of people ...errr.... dying.

Don't worry, a campaign is under way, everybody except the anarchists are getting stuck in

Part 3, Kieran rocks into Dom's house and has a rant, which it turns out is funny to me, only Turns out, i went over to the Cummins place to sleep, sleep is a good thing you say, what could go wrong you say, well i drank pretty much all their beer, excess of 5 big beers (Cos I'm a big guy, and big guys need a lot, and a lot of beer)

Now Domonic is 20 years old and among other things i:
a, informed him that i was his new daddy
b, Promoted Australia most vigorously promising it would improve his sex life and maybe his milky white completion
c, Compared his house to 'Upstairs downstairs', him being the servant, Masters lived upstairs
d, Saying his house was great because you didn't have to live with chickens and dogs, which is very true, very indeed
e, Said sleeping in his place wasn't like sleeping in a builders yard
And so on and so forth, you get the idea, i was raving

Now it's for my revenge, because in fairness, Dom said he couldn't take me any more ranting, he had enough. He thought his fancy cigarettes were the 'Bomb' and that's why i was laughing at him, not so in fact. Truth be told, if you tell a particularly long story and you repeat some of it up to 4 times, this is enough for any would be serious guy (I try ans assume him sometimes, only sometimes on serious occasions)

Have yet to go for any walks with the dogs, i suppose that's to do do with my new identity (Kieran Cummins) and staying up at night watching The Wonder years' and 'Gerry Gerry Gerry', then white trash bash each other and rightly so, not hard enough if you ask me, and no one is'

But where has the Spanish gone ? On no, after all my (At times hard work and more often than not, no work) hard learning, it's all going to be stored (Dumped with the other junk) at the back of my head. That wouldn't be such a problem, but i need it again. Hmmmm, might be a need to 'Learn by myself', hmmm big step there, might be 'Stage 2 of growing up'. Stage 1 of course being that 'Mammy doesn't pay for everything anymore'.

Going to some Australian Nirvana gig tonight, that's it, not as exciting as a night out in Oz, but it's an Australian band playing Nirvana.

Recording Dean Cherny's Superfreakin Mashup Mix, he is the bomb

K
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It's hard to admit it, but i'm white

Have you met come teachers in your time? I'll bet you have, here's my favorite one.

Teaches of Peaches



Made it back, all is going to plan. Plan? There's a plan ?

Leaving las vegas, very nice song carefully penned by Cheryl Crowe, does a similar one need to be written about Bogotá or Quito, there's probably a million of them.

Well what have i learnt, hmmm. Well it would be easier to tell you about what i've forgotten, and whats that, Spanish. Oh yeah, thats what i came here for in the first place. Stay away from Gringos and learn Spanish, well on the upside, i did have a good time and thats important, isn't it?

Start at the start, well i wont but I'll take you back in time to a place i call, last week where many brain cells were fried, and since they fry everyting in Columbia, i think it's a fitting time and location to start the story or what i can remember if it.

I came back from Villa de Ayera, met up with Alli from Queens (Hi Alli, i met another girl from Queens, i could be very well heading your way in a month and then on to San Frnacisco, thank you very much)

Well i can truly say I've been to Colombia, partied on a bit in Bogota, didn't see too much of the city during the day, didn't have to wander too far at night either thanks to the local 'We like electronic music and then house parties if we can find a light bulb' and those ones are the best ones i can tell you, especially if you have a local that doesn't speak any English reciting Spanish to you, don't knock it till you try it.

A repeat effort was attempted, Alli bought a kids Spanish book and she was going to recite it to everyone around 2am, sadly she forgot it and i have nothing more to report on that particular experience, time to dry your eyes and move on.

Hung out with a local Columbian in Bogota Eder (Hi Eder, your government should make you an ambassador for Columbia, Cheers)
Managed to bring nearly everything from the 2 Sue hostels to one of the local House music parties in the bar run by the French girl. Good one, or as Borat would say 'Great success'

Went out with Jenny and Eder and crew later, good night, some club up 5 flights with a perfume shop at the bottom, you need a guide to find these places and i had the best.

Back in Quito now, where are the Cafe Tintos, experssos to you non Spanish speakers. One of the best experiences about Columbia is sitting around and drinking Tintos.
I only started drinking Tintos in Columbia, and now i miss it, a lot.
Did some shopping too, bought heaps of movies, tried to get rid of some books, ended up with more books that i really want and cant say no, 'No, i cant say no, there coming with me, and thats that'

The girls around the corner had a party on Saturday night, i was off to Blues for some Electronic music, the kind you don't really get in Cork, what a blast !!
Got up yesterday afternoon and there was some good electronic musing playing with the sun shining, so i didn't move all day, what bliss.
Funny thing is, if i did it, they would have been running out like their hair was on Fire, '.....a rose by other name' comes to mind, and i don't, not now anyway

Now here we go kids, one thing I've said I'd do for a long time and now we are here
I've been telling people about this movie clip for months, possibly years, possibly light years.

It's Dark side of the moon over Wizard of Oz, seeing is believing, take a break from the world and watch it

I'm off for 'Hornado', roast pork and potato cakes for a $1.50, it's nice, i like, and it's not Sunday either, you can have it any day you like, what a country.

K

Back in Bogota

Hello underachievers, professionals, housewives, skilled workers and un-skilled workers whoever you may be, Apes ?

It´s that time again to drop you a line and let you know how i´m getting on.

I´m fine, and you ? Good i hope ?

Educational movie:



Arrived back in Bogota from Villa de Ayera on a journey that took 5 and a half hours.
Maybe there´s someting wrong with me, and i´m not ruling that out, but everyone tells me that the journey is 3 hours, but it took 5 and a half on a direct bus, maybe i lost 2 and a half hours on the bus somewhere along the road there was a big flashing light and i was abducted.

By Alien´s i hear you mutter ? I hope so, well at least that would explain something, i could claim to be well travelled at least, it´s not everybody they select you know !

Arrived back in Bogotoa, awaiting Alison from New York´s arrival on Monday afternoon.

I was going to go by bus down to Quito and check out the Church in the south, but i just might fly it and feck the church off, i´ve seen plenty. But this church has a good story, and here´s what i know of it.

Story starts:
One fine day, a guy, yes a guy, was out walking, while taking some drugs that altered his precepeption of the world.
When all of a sudden he fell down a cliff, when he stopped falling, which was a good 70 meters he looked up then he had a vision of the Virgin Mary, so what did they do ?
Well they built a Cathedral on the cliff, literally and the altar is where he had the apperation, and that´s why i want to to see the church.
Story ends:

But on the other hand, i´m here to hang out and have fun, so, i´m managing that quiet well, so i think i´ll just continue.

Went out to Cha Cha´s with a crew from Sue last night, but since the girl with directions had the wrong directions
(Authors note: When going somewhere anywhere in fact, it helps having the right directions)

Well it didnt matter anyway, we ended up going to the hard house party around the corner from the hostel and a trip around the city in a taxi, pretty cool huh? Depends how you look at it really, if your a taxi driver, yes. If your paying 8,000 pesos to go to where your already standing, probably not i´m thinking

Afterwards meself and the Aussie Jenny went with the bunch of usual suspects from the hard house club to a nightclub about 5 blocks where they played what i think was techno (Much too fast music with the same fast beat, me dont know)

Today, need to check out a flight to Quito and food, food is good, maybe a salad

I´ve become a bit of a slalad junky, and thats a good thing, now all i need is to get some more good habbits.

Why you might ask am i writing all this stuff, and the answer is simple, i´m listening to ´inthemix Digitalism: Remixes - ITM Exclusive!´ and i need to do someting, so this is it.
I could be doing worse things, it´s just that i cant think of them right now, check my horiscope, in fact i will too.

Here it is:
Pisces
In general this can be a rather productive day especially if you attend to practical and constructive things.
You should also fit in time for some pleasure, whether that's for you personally, the family or with the kids;
some special time will be perfect. Early morning friction should be ignored so that the day can be a happy one

Peace out, i´m off for a happy day, and if i cant do that, i´ll settle for a happy meal

Where have all the toilet seats gone ?

Probably the most photographed dog in Columbia, his permanent residence is top of the road from Sue Hostel


Didnt think i´d be writing so much in Columbia, but there you go, just goes to show that a lot of things are happening here, not that´s what the English or US government would like you to hear.

I was reading recently, US citizens were advised not to go to Columbia, but in fact Columbia is a lot safer than Washington, a lot. So what does this amazing fact mean you ask, not a lot really, unless your French.

The French have recently signed an agreement with the Guirelas here in Columbia in which no French people will be kidnapped, so in case you are kidnapped, act snooty, chain smoke, demand coffee and crossants and go on about how your cheeses are the best and everything is ´Fuckin shet´, case closed.

I´m in Villa de Ayera today and they are shooting a movie in the square, they shot the first season of Zorro here (No bullets were used, tempting to put some reference to 50 Cents here, but not today)

Tour start´s:
Founded in 1572, Villa de Leyva was declared a national monument in 1954.
A colonial town par excellence, it has been preserved in its entirety -
the impressive Plaza Mayor is lined with whitewashed colonial houses and churches.
Villa enjoys a dry, mild climate and is within easy reach of the capital,
making it a popular weekend getaway for Bogotános.

The Zorro filiming went on for 6 months, from what i know of the ledgened, the Zorro character
is based on an Irish guy in Mexico and if you dont believe me, click here

Tour over:
Other signifant events this week
Signed up with facebook, now i can be part of the ´Buzz´ along with all the Americans (an the people that should have been born in America..... and drafted to fight for democracy)

Saw American Splendor, good movie, one good quote from it was ´Life is about enjoying the ride´and truth be told, been having quite a ride this year and i think it will continue in this manner too for another year anyway, well maybe a year and a half, why stop there, go for 2 years more ok so, i think i will, and it was done.

Fred (Fuckin Fred from France) departed this morning, headed North, bye bye Fred, i´m going South. He was telling me we have been hanging out for 3 weeks, no wonder my Spanish has gone down the toilet, if Spanish was on my School report card the comment would be ´Needs more work, has a tendency to be lazy´

True enough, i´m not argueing with you there love, but as long as i´m having fun, thats the main thing.

Heading back to Bogota tomorrow, will only have 8 days to get back to Quito, should be able to do it comfortably, want to see the church on the steep hill on the border, flying is out of the question.

So what did i do in the Nations Capital the last time i passed through, drinking, partying, meeting crazy people witnessing crazy people, wrote about crazy people, forgot the Spanish i learned and drank coffee.

What will i do if i go back, the same as above, but this time i have a sneaky plan, if i stay 1 night theres no way i can do all of the above, Kieran saves the day yet again.

Been eating lots of healthy food too in the last few weeks, i´ve never been happier to eat salad and it´s all credit to my foot. What happened you ask ? Well i´ll tell you.

In San Cipriani i hurt my foot, i moved on to Salento and not being able to walk far i was able to hobble across the road and buy lots of fruit and vegetables and fried chicken around the corner
Now i´m like a junky for salad, i´ve also accuired lots of new Vegeterian recepies which is a welcome relief from discussing ´Whitch Burning´s´ at social occcasions if and when they do arise.

Switched hostel from `Death Hostel´, why ? They had electric showers, and thats a good thing, or so you would think. The water was pissing out the back of the shower head on to the ´LIVE´ electric cables.
I pointed this out to Fred, Fred pointed this out in his best Spanish to the receptionist well anyway, she thought we were crazy and the first to complain about the fear of electrocution ´I am a westerner´, indeed i am. In europe the owner wold be charged with attempted murder, in South America, they think your over reacting.

Bought new shoes for $11, not bad, they feel like i´ve been wearing them for years and this is day 2, maybe if i was living on Jupeter with them they would be years old (God knows, sometimes i think i am there)
The daze of doing without Cafe tinto are numbered so i´m off for some Tintos (Expressos to you)

The whole country feels like it´s ´Student month´ and this years competetion between Colleges is to steal all the feckin toilet seats, not a very smart thing to do. These people shouldnt be in colleges if you ask me, they should be digging holes in a field, 20kms from any toilet and where the only harm they can do is to themselves.

Packing your backpack for Columbia ?
Along with things you might consider packing in your backpack, would be a toilet seat. Business men looking for a good idea, a toilet seat you can strap on to a backpack, Or if your a cheapskate and like squatting on toilets do that. But i cant see the Queen doing that and i cant see many of her loyal subjects doing that either, can you ?

Kieran

P.s.
A big hello to all my friends on Jupiter

Did anyone order a drunk Naked Irish guy ?

A police officer stands watch over naked demonstrators at the Baltic Sea resort of Heiligendamm, where the G8 summit will be held next month. Stripping off in protest is a German tradition and was a subtle but popular form of rebellion in the East before the fall of the Berlin Wall




Well, well, well, what can i say.

The story gets more intricate, if i may use such a word, which i can, because i´m god Authors note: God in French means ´Sex toy´
So my only advuce at this point is beware of French people that referr to you as a Sex toy, it´s not all glory you know!

What i´m really here to relate to you, not talk is the Crazy irish guy i met on my way back back from writing to you, yes you, so pay attention.

Hrtr we go, i finished typing (I´m not related to Jaque Kourack), i got a burst of inspiration, a tell all, no holds barred.

But we are here to talk about he Kerry man/Irish guy

I was trying to open my door (Tricky business), when this guy with a botttle of Rum came up to me.
Managed to explain myelf sufficently (Back to the ) Irish guy.

The Kerry man could´nt find his hostle and led the assualt on the kerry coastline

He was off his game, telling me it was his right as a backpacker to be naked and do stupid things, if not, you should work in the Work house (Existed in Ifreland over s 200 years, as Madonna would say Time goes fast......so slowley.

Day 2 of writing this entry

The reson for this is, my eyesight was failing me and there was too many spelling mistakes to be funny, just stupid. Now i´m digging up, so upwards and onwards.

Since i mety the Kerry man (Ran naked through Hostel Sue) and said to me afterwards ´I Think i´ll do it again´, truely off his game, maybe he´s the only sane person here, i dont know

Going to see Argentina and Ireland play tomorrow, rugby, should be good,, going with Fred and the Argentenian guy, All is good, and if we win better.

Back to the naked Irish guy, turns out he rushed the door and said ´You Canadian´s are just like Americian´s, only quieter´, true enough.

But the funniest bit was when the guys were smoking Joints and playing poker and a naked guy comes flying in and sits on jis ass and watches you playing, if anything you´d be thinking ´I have to stop smoking this shtuff´

Craziest nigh on record, by a long shot

Dragon dancers parade during a ceremony in Chengdu in south-west China's Sichuan province


Can this be real, cause i feel fake, Ricky Martin and Ricky lake, telling me things that i dont need to know

What the fuck happend last night, the truth be told, i dont really know, but i´ll tell you what i can

Getting the streaming music working is driving me crazy, playing one of my CD´s playing, thank god for Mark Murphy.

Went out last night with Fred, Will and myself. i consider myself a person, well at least i try, and try i do, after all god loves a trier, what does he hate ? A smimey bastard, that i am not, well at least i think i´m not, but first read on and come to your own conclusions.

It´s nowe 6.42am, havent slepd yet, why you say ? I´m getting to that.

As i said, i went out, Fred went home, as i thought he might, bye bye Fred, he´s now asleep, but that has nothing to do with the story, but it might be relevent in getting a bit of a contrast.

Met a German guy, then i met his friends, he said his friends were ok, so we drove on (Well we walked around the corner) to a happening club, well a bottle shop, with what i think was Techno playing, i didnt really care, it wasnt Reggethon or Salsa, party on Whane.

I saw a guy with an Australian top on, and in all fairness when you see a sight like that, you´d be inclined in thinking that they were Australian, he was not i´m sad to report. He was in fact a Canadian guy, trying to keep warm.

Well it wasnt long before Will made his introduction and started yapping away with a local chick that looked more Dutch than Columbian, no big deal.
The Canadian (Mike to be exact) started making love with his face, no one got hurt with a Columbian chick.

What was i doing, i was the dancing queen, and i was playing the part well if i dont so myself.

We ajurned downstairs for a bit, where i got a Spanish/Columbian rap, with my name thrown in here and there, for about 10 min it was too much for me to handle.

The club finished and we went off walking, the gringos/guys got stung for more drink purchased on the way, cheers ladies
We ended up at someones house, and the process of knocking commenced, where by to everyones amazement the door was opened and in we filed in total darkness and out to the back of the house.

So standing in the darkness, the habitant, for the lack of a better word produced a light bulb and proceeded to install in and then there was light, after a while the birds started singing, and then there was sound, but no rock, not yet anyway.

After some time it was decided that Mick, myself and his ´Bird´ would head back to the hostle.
We got back, and proceeded to drink a fair bit of water, and then, in my infinate wisdom decided we were having too much fun to end it there, so off we went again.

On the way the Columbian chick, in her infinate wisdom stopped here and there to recite poetery, what a laugh with cops watching us.

Remember, this is a quiet Wednesday night, gone terribly wrong, terribly.

So we ended up back at the dodgy house, where the other 2 Columbians were hanking out, so we joined them, and had a dance, well i was anyway.

After another undefined time there again we finally made a brake for it and in between meself and Mick in stiches laughing at the Columbian, i made it home, they went of fon their merry way and i went to bed, but not for long.

I had to get up and write this story, so good or bad it´s a story that need to be told, so there.

What a laugh, i wonder what Thursday night will be like ?

Guinea pig races or is it a Tuesday thing

Two rare illustrations featuring the adventures of A.A. Milne's creation, Winnie-the-Pooh, are to go under the hammer at Bonhams in London later this month. This one is titled "Tigers don't like honey."

Watch this video first



Well well, as you might be able to see from the Guinea pig movie, i saw the most incredible thing since i´ve given up peeing stanging up (I cant hold something that big) today. ´What what what feckin now you say´ The Guinea feckin´ pigs of course. The guy had them lined up on a line and they stayed there, and off they went, it seemed like they were trained not to go into the plastic bowl with money on it, which made the ´Dumb Guinea pig´far smarter than the Author of this story, far far indeed.

Went around the city with an English white guy (I dont discriminate because he´s white), i was hoping i might learn some of the Queens english from him, all i managed to do was confuse people in Spanish every i time i tried speaking Spanish, not good for your confidence i can tell you. Ended up in getting a hair cut for 6,000 Pesos, 3 dollars to all the Americanos out there, styled if you will, from a Gay Columbian guy, i gave him a free reign in fact ´Do what you think is good´, famous last words to Gerrard the Farmer (Last guy who cut my hair, slightly under the influence of many substances too)

Not to the mothers amusement, she did not think it was stylish, my stylist guarenteed me i would find a nice Columbian girl as opposoed to the ones i might normally find with my hair being in it´s normal state, hmmm not sure if i can feel a change, but as the house version of that sex pistols tune, ´...It´s coming some time´ Authors note, FYI, they are talking about Anarchy there so dont get carried away, ok ?

Day 2 of writing this blog (Rome wasent built in a day, Ok, or so i´m told)
Going to a student demonstration with a Canadian when he wakes up, i´m sort of entertaining myself by doing what i´m doing, which right now is including a full stop right here. I think i should get a life, oh what the hell, i´ll put in another full stop, not here but here.

No, i´ll do better, i´ll go and demonstrate about something, the students are demonstrating about something, they are demonstrating (when the Canadian guy wakes up, right now they are probably drinking coffee and waiting for him, a bit like me i suppose, except i dont have coffee, lucky bastards) about the Government.

What you might ask would a government do that might upset the students, well the government want to privatise the colleges and let make other people make money from the students, because they not. Tough shit student´s, or maybe not, time will tell.
So you might ask, whats it like travelling South America, and to tell you the truth i would´nt know, i just hang out in places i find that i happen to like, but one person that seems like she knows is my friend Carola from Barcelona.

Here she is:
I came back to the hostel at 7pm after a fucking long and tiring day at los nevados and the hot springs, took my backpack and left to the bus station. once there i took a minibus to medellin, got there around 1am and had to wait until 5am for my bus to santa marta in the atlantic coast.
But the best part is that the fucking road was closed for whatever reason related to the rain, and we had to take the long way which means that i arrived around 1am after 20hrs on a bus that only stopped once to eat and go to the toilet..... so you can imagine i wanted to kill everyone on that bus, specially the driver and the 3 or 4 babies that spent their time crying and shouting and yelling and screaming......
anyway, i finally got here, spent the whole day doing nothing at the beach, though it wasn't a paradise beach as i thought but a crowded, loud beach full of colombians, with black sand and dirty water :( tomorrow morning i'm going to tayrona national park which is supposed to have beautiful beaches and a little archeological site.... will sleep there on a hammock and then on wednesday i'm leaving to barranquilla to meet my friend and have crazy party nights to celebrate my 25th birthday!

Missed saying goodby to Carola, because i was Watching Apocalypse now, directors cut with the long scene with the French family having dinner, fuckin long, 3 hours and 20, did i say long ?
The French guy was explaining why they did not want to move from the Jungle ´We have lost all the wars, but we will not lose this place´, nice one France
That and of course ´I love the smell of napalm in the morning.......... it smells like victory´

Nahh, travelling doesnt really apeal to me, i´d rather hang out.
What else ?
Going to see Olaf on Friday before he goes home, should be funny
Moving to Sue hostel for the Weekend, i´ve heard a lot about the parties there and there i will be for the weekend.

Still hanging out with Fuckin Fred from France, and lots of other gringos, i think my Spanish has taken a bit of a stumble, but i still might make it over the line, all be it last, but over the line, maybe at this rate in 50 years and i dont think i have that long to live.

Rang home, talked to Coda Callaghan, i asked her if my room was ready in her new house, she said ´Yes´, which was a bit more promising that sleeping at home in Church Hill i can tell you. 4 months ago saying that really pissed her off, and she´s only 3, how people change.

What else ?
My EFPOS card still works, thank´s to the shitty service at the Comenwealth Bank, whome i rang a month ago to cancel my card and have a new one posted out, it never came and i was beginning to think my Auntie Theresa was a bit slack and i got to thinking, maybe they didnt cancel it and the guy in the call centre was more interested in his email or downloading porn, turns out i was right, but how could a bank be that bad you say, they are i say.
Stay tuned
Peace out

Black shamrocks and anything i can think of

Two Quechua women exchange blows as part of celebrations for the Tinku Festival in the city of Macha, Bolivia. The pre-Colombian ritual consists of rival villages engaging in hand-to-hand combat that tradition says will secure richer, more prosperous crops in the coming year.


Well hello there it´s that time again to scribble a little note and tell you whats been happening in a world i like to call ´kieran world´

Yes it´s a world where not everything seems real all the time only on the surface and when you scratch a little well some times you can win big cash prizes, like $10,000 thats a big cash prize or $10 or another ticket or just feck all and you walk away feeling like some one has given you a kick in the balls from the 60 yeard line and they´ve missed.

Enough of the sad story, i´m here to talk to you today boys and gurls about black Shamrocks, ahhh the image congurs up romantic notions of the Emeral isle, guinness, the little people (Known to most in America as Leprechans), lashing rain, a lashing of Pints(I´m not making it up) and good Craic (Not the kind you get in America, but equally as addictive)

What does all this mean you say ?

Well, 3 Irish guys were in the Columbian jungle birdwatching
A fact that is a bit hard to believe since they were caught teaching the Gurilas (No the Hairy type.... i hope) how to blow things up.

I know what your thinking, what the feck does this have to do with some lads out birdwatching minding their own business.

The answer to that one is, Ít doesnt, they lied, they are lyers boys and gurls, lyers is what they are in fact, and thius is the tale i´m trying to tell you.

So anyway the boys are in the Capital, their trial starts, representives are sent from the Irish government to make sure they get a fair trial, big intertnatial incident, big news.

And do you know what happened ?
The went and fecked off, thats what they did, and turned up in Ireland 6 months later.

Now i´m windering did they get a photo of the Gorgeted puffleg, a new species of hummingbird to be seen below

Probably not, i´m thinking, they dont seem like the kind of bird to have any ionterest in watching things being blown up, no none at all, which doesnt make them any less interesting, well not to me anyway.

But sticking to the topic of the story, well the first part anyway.

Black Shamrocks, the Military here have hijacked our Shamrock symbol, painted it black and stuck it on their uniform.


Now what can we do, well the words of the Rolling Stones have just inspired me, tell me what you think

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black
You see, paint it all black and we´re all equal, thanks a feckin´ lot Columbian army, everything´s going to look like a
black anmd white movie.

Dont just sity there, get painting, you dont get paid to sit !!!!

P.s.

If you do get paid to sit, sorry

In Columbia spending too much money

Photo of a gorgeted puffleg, a new species of hummingbird.
The new blue-and-green throated hummingbird species has been discovered in a cloud forest in Colombia, and already needs protection from human encroachment.




Well hello there people non people, monkeys ?
Monkeys:
From one monkey to another trying to type another Shakesphere play, sonnet or story, I´ve been doing this blog for about 7 months am i on the right track or am i wasting my time ? Any of you monkeys with prior writing experience, i´d love to hear from you.

Searching for inspiration, Searching for inspiration, Searching for inspiration, right, found it i think

I suppose the best thing to do here, not hear, but from here is to tell the truth.

Ahh, you say, now i´m finally going to know, yeah you will, but first i´m going to disguise the truth, throw a little bit of sugar on it if you will.
Do you have a sweet tooth ? I hope you do.

Oh did you notice by the way ? I went to the trouble (For your benifit i might add) of putting Google ad´s on my site
The way i look at it, you do some shopping and check out my waffle on a weekly basis, and i know how much people like shopping.

I once went shoppng myself and it was very rewarding too let me tell you, the underware i bought by the way after 4 weeks fit like a glove or like
underware, or whatever, so if you dont mind click on the ad´s so i can make a few quid, if you wouldnt mind, ok niceties aside, on with the story.

Got an Email from my Friend Olaf from East Germany, classic stuff, so here it is

hello grazy boy,
how are you and what doing your ears?
where you ben now?
I am on bogota,tomorow i travling to medellin ,after this to catagena,i
think I am there about the
-------- Original-Nachricht10.05.
you can written wherwe you stay.
good lucky,tahe care and carful for the danger girls
ps.and you los agian samthing?
I hop you understund the mail,but you a clever boy --------

Good stuff, and to all yeee out there, if you send me a good mail, i´ll stick it on the blog too, even mails from girls, midgits, whatever !!

I had a good time in San Capriani, the only way to get there is on a motor bike rigged up on a railway line, spent 4 nights there, great for pratcing my Spanish, if only my english was as good.

Saw a dog in San Cipriani that wouldnt let other dogs pass on the road, alright you say big deal i see that all the time ?
No you dont, not like this anyway

The dog in question was not aggressive and didnt even look at the other dog, it just kept getting it´s way, and he kept it up for a good 15 minutes at a time, a bit of a pain in the ass, if your the other dog.

The same dog, i´m sitting outside the restaurant with the grandmother (and no we wernt holding hands) and all of a sudden i hear a huge yelping and this little dog comes running for it´s life
Then the big stupid looking dog comes out, the grandmother and meself are laughing

I say to her in Spanish, ´Why is your dog looking for love´, she didnt have an answer for me and maybe there isnt an answer. Hmmmmmm

Stay tuned

Am i still in Feckin' Quito

A normally conservative Canadian goes wild on a big night in Quito



So I'm thinking, will i write something, wont i, will i, wont i, will i, wont i, alright so i will and so it begins, because as all people know, if you want to do something anything, you first have to start, and so it begins, and thats where we are right now, the start, and we're off.

Well whats happened, had a bit of a dinner party around the corner at the girls place and in disgust i came back to get some real music when tragedy struck.
Someone let in the thieving gypsies in and guess what they done did to me ? Still guessing, well move your eyes to the next line.

Ready ? I'll tell you what they did, the went and stoled my mp3 player, no big deal i hear you say, i don't like good electronic and house music anyway, but i do, thats my point.

It bad enough they stole my mp3 player, they have music no one else in the world has. What a deal, for the thieving gypsies, that is. I don't get anything, no deal for me, just tough luck, and plenty of it, oh would you like a bit more tough luck there Kieran "No no, I've had enough really, i just couldn't have even a little bit more" Tough luck, will 2 bags be enough ?

I hope so.

Well not to get all philosophical, but it could be covered by insurance, and all the music is backed up, yep all.
I helped fix an Australian chicks i pod, job done, gave her some good music, left mine charging, i didn't have to. Hung out with the girls, went to the party, came back, asked everyone, oh bollocks, it's gone, on holidays maybe, maybe I'll never know.

I couldn't be bothered going to the cops, i got my moneys worth out of it anyway, i can get all the music again, no big deal.

Got some good books, no one steals books, Fu$%in illiterate bastards, that will teach them, I'll outsmart them with book reading.

Speaking out outsmarting people. i found my wallet, in the bottom of my bag, as it turns out, i must of came home to the ship and put it in my bag, why you say. It must of seemed like a good idea at the time.

I promised Julie i would stay one extra day in Quito, and I'm glad i was able to keep that promise.
I also promised her i would go and volunteer for a day, well a half a day, but since my alarm clock was on Galapagos time, it was a promise i could not keep.

Bridget did not believe i even made the effort to go, but as it turned out, i left a banana skin on her window. But if she did not believe i even made their effort to go it couldn't have been me ? Now could it ? Nope, defiantly not me. Not my banana, you'll have to remove it yourself missus.

Columbia to morrow, I'm making that promise to myself, no excuses. I've got nothing to lose, no camera, no iriver, no innocence, nothing, I'm off.

Time to stop writing and maybe it's time for you to stop reading this, your only encouraging me. I'm off for an ice cream.

Nothing is as funny as Albatros Sex, no joke

Well well it´s that time again

What time you say, time to string a few words together, put them into sentences and try
and make sense of things, if that makes any sense.

As from the title of this story you can imagine were it is going, but we´ll get to that later.
Now, what was i going to say, well, since i left you i went on an 8 day trip around the Galapagos, and what a trip it was, except for me getting an ear infection and still popping pills and staying out of the water, luck for me someone on the boat penecillin and some pain killers, or else i was in trouble, funny how long these things take to get better.

Well i suppose that will ´Learn me´ for not taking these things seriously, but then again one of my major problems is not being able to take ´Things´ seriously, and i´m being serious obout that one folks, not sure what the lesson in the story is, but it´s there. lesson learnt. Move on, ok so.

Met an English chick before getting on the boat cruze, and as it turns out, there is someone else in the world that talks as much bullshit as me, and it´s not me or my evil twin, although it does sometimes feel like i do have a evil twin, lets call him ´Bad Kieran´ for arguement sake, and when he had the ´Bad chemicals´ going on in his head just about anything can happen and it sometimes does, sometimes.

Had a normal time on the boat, and it felt strange, Em (The Aussie) thought it was funny when i told her i was normally more talkative, for her i was talking a lot. Couldnt really get the words out with a pounding pain (Or in Spanish ´Duele´, but thats spanish) in me ear, nope i didnt feel much like talking. By the time we got back though i was getting out a few words. Yes indeed here come´s an avalanche of words, look out boys and girls, head to the hills, Arghhhhhhh.

Now on to what has to be the funniest thing on the trip, lbatros Sex.
Close your eyes, and try to imagine this folks, got them closed ? ok so, here we go.

Naughty Naughty, i see you


Behind a bush i saw this bird stand on the shoulders of another bird, i´m no expert but i´m hoping it was a female, it would be a bit ermbarrasing for me to know i was cheering on 2 male birds going for it, yep very embarrasing.

After a few frantic moments, to the poor birs below it must have seemed like an eternity it was all over.

Now the macho on top, has what looks like to me a smile on his face, yes he´s smiling , definatly smiling and proceeds to walk away 10 feet there abouts and the other bird does the same and sit looking at a bush, now they are not more than 15 feet away from each other both looking into a bush looking in opposite directions, and the macho on top is still smiling away to himself, i nearly pissed myself laughing.

I dont think i´ll ever forget it, and while everybody else was snapping pictures, Kieran with no camera saw the love scene of the century, if it could be called that, which it can because it´s my story and i´m playing god here, so thats it ´love scene of the century´

Thats it, stop reading, get a life and write a story about it, i did and i´ll probably do it again, so there !

The wonderful thing about tiggers

The Galapagos


Well i know it´s only been a few days, but since it´s hot outside, a bit too hot for me, not that i´m any hottie, it has to be time to be inside and pen some more rubbish, if only for my amusement. So far i am not amused, but it´s still early, and it being early i´ll get on with it as best as i can.

So, went out with Jill and Co on Wednesday, had a nice time, thanks Jill. Jill goes home early, bye bye Jill, see you tomorrow, and i dident know how true that would be.
Then the captain steps in and asks me back to his place for drinks, well i think he did because before long we were back at his place and the drinks were flowing.

Before long, i decided it was time to go swimming. I feel a bit like George Bush some times when i make decisions. I am the decider and i make decisions, that´s what deciders do´ and it´s true because when you are old enough to do this then you are really getting places. I wasnt getting anywhere quickly.

Fast forward to me swimming out the back of the Captains place, swimming around, really nice,¨Oh whats that, some yahts, i think i´ll take a look¨ and on closed inspection they realy were yahts, and what would be expecting out the back of a guys place and he happens to be called ¨The Captain¨ well much fun was had diving off these boats and climbing op to them, it´s a full body work out i can tell you.

Sean from Texas was telling me next day that it´s nor really cool to dive off other peoples boats, they´re some peoples houses and you wouldnt dive off of someones house, good thing that no one was in them i´m guessing. Well nobody told me this and before long i was having a great time

(Authors note: not many people you will encounter in life, this or the next are morning people and you have to be really careful of people of those who are not, well thats the advice that was given to me a few years ago by some old French guy, hello old french guy, there you go, i´m not making this up)

Well after much making noise outside the captains place, you could say i finally got his attention, and to be fair he´s way worse than me. He cherises his sleep, so i had to take off.

My clothes were in his place, so was my money. They were going to have to wait, and in fairness to Jimmy Hendrix, he was definatly on to something when he said ¨I think i´ll wait until tomorrow¨, too bad i was doing my air guitar impression instead of listening, because i now feel like he was trying to tell me something from beyond the grave (Play errie music here)

Got back to the peir and there was nothing else to do only swim and swim home i did. Nice morning for a swim it was too, i´m sure a lot of people thaught the were witnessing some new form of water creature on the Gallapagos and i suppose in a way they were.

I´m still having fun at this stage, there goes the phrase ¨No mon no fun¨, you Sir are wrong, very wrong indeed, very wrong. Because my money was at the Captains.

Got back and i though the best thing to do was tell Jill the full story and let her sort everything out and smothe everything out, remember I am still the decider here and since i´m writing the story i am god too, Why not there´s got to be a first time for everything, and if everything goes to Shit, i can say Ït´s my first day¨ which in a way is true.

Got to Jill´s place and explained the whole story, i did knock. It would be bad manners not to, and after explaining my self Jill went about fixing everything. Hipp Hipp Hurrah for Jill.

After wards i was a bit dissapointed i didnt sing my Tigger song from Whinney the Pooh. Jill had Whinney the Pooh and Tigger too sheets.
After singing the song for her the next night and finding it amusing, Jill tells me that if i sung the song to her i would have gotten a box. Some people just arent morning people i guess.

Tigger song:
The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful chaps
They're loaded with vim and with vigor
They love to leap in your laps
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.

Tiggers are wonderful fellahs.
Tiggers are awfully sweet.
Everyone elses is jealous,
And thats why I repeat...

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Are Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.
Yes, I'm the only one

Sometimes i think, why cant i be normal like everyone else
Jill last week told me she likes me the way i am and wouldnt want me to change, this is still an opinion she shares, is she crazy or am i ?
Fast forward to dinner last night and some frally good food from Chilie.
Phone rings, Jill answers, it turns out to be the captain wanting me to go back and fix the damaged fly screen, you know your getting bad when the local crazy guy is saying your crazy.

All´s well that ends well and everyone had a good laugh.

Peace out

A holiday within a holiday

Toilet in Secret Garden



Well it´s taken me 52 minutes to get this far, how far that you say ?

Well i started off ripping Jill´s music into a format that would fit onto my mp3 player, thanks Jill. I call that format mp3.

Well whats been happening, well since i last left you, probably with a full stop, so i´ll give you an encore and then continue.

Right so, down to business. Now i´m back in Porta Ayorta, beginning to feel a bit like Father Jack when he sobered up, ´Am i still on that feckin island, afraid so father jack.

But it´s not all bad, between reading my books and hanging out with Jill and drinking beer and then after 8 beers hanging out with drunk Jill and then some more beers life is going well, depends what you call life really, and we´ll get to that later.

Got to the Galapagos with no real clear idea of what i was going to do except hang out and meet people and ´Do stuff´ect ect and so on and so forth.

Lets start at the start, after a bit of a false start getting here, missed my flight from partying too hard, cant really blame anyone but myself and making myself look like a bit of an eejit infront of the family not being able to wake me up and when they did, i opted to go back to sleep, i was never happier to be asleep, so much for partying hard.


Eventually got here and happened to see a guy hanging around a bit, so i said hello
and as Jill will tell you, ´Hello´ is a good way of metting people, so i said hello
and as luck would have it, his name was Kieran to, and he was from Cork too, but raised in North Carolina, well 2 out of 3 aint bad as Meatloaf will tell you.

So it began there and went on, met some girls from Quito, hello girls and the party went on
Met Jill before the girls, hello Jill, and the party went on.
Met the Captain, and the party went on.
Met Mike from San Diego, hi Mike, and the party went on.

Currently listening to Jills music, and the music is strangly interesting, no sure what it´s called and maybe i´ll never know, i´m waiting for the ´Peaches and Peaches´ song to come on.
Yep cant wait for that one.

Back to the story, after being 7 odd days of pretty much drinking with a girl who likes beer more than me, and i came to the Galapagos for a break, i thought it was time for another break so i went to Isabella, and off i went, within 20 minutes of getting there i met Mike ´Kicking it´

´Kicking it´ will be one of my phrases from here on in, i feel like i was walking through a lost home for dog´s and baby ´Kicking it´ was looking up at me with his ´Moo cow´ and i said ´Can we keep him´ and while i was busy
filling in the papers i saw ´Random´ and i said i´ll take hime too.

As Mike would say ´Random´, which he said funnily enough quite a lot when i was talking to him, which was quite a lot.

Which brings me to Mike, went to his boat on Isabella, tide was getting low, bad idea. After about 2 hours of ´Kicking it´ on his boat it was decided i should retire to my Quarters, good idea no ? (Thinking to myself ´Well, yes and no´ brain
yes and no), We headed back and since Mike didnt want to damage the engine, he lifted up the engine, good idea no ?

Well yes and no, because he couldnt get it back down again. So anyway out comes the lighter, and it came omoniously close to the engine, it was pretty dark, and i thought that was a bad idea, but it turned out to be good as he go the motor down
But the lighter got wet and by this stage Mike was getting a bit distressed and couldnt light his cigarette, which turned out to be a bad idea. I wanted to paddle over to one of the yahts and disturb a guy from his G and T.

But that would have been a bad idea as your supposed to know what your doing at sea, i would like to state here that i´m not a seaman and i dont know anything about seamen, or being a seaman for that matter.

Jill´s song is telling me she is too drunk to fuck, good one Jill, where do you get your inspiration fom ?

So Meself anf Mike, make it to shallow water, and off goes the engine and out comes the paddle, paddle boys, paddle, so we did, until the best oar broke and we are floating again.

So i said, ´Will i get out and push´ Mike says no, so i did anyway, until we hit dry land, well really it was a sand bar, and we were still 150 meter´s from real dry land.

Luckily enough, i was able to walk most of the way, and Mike was like, Íf you walk around the side it wont be so bad.

So after running back for my sandles, which as it turned out werent mine at all, i went straight accross, and the water went as far as my waste then af far as my hips chest, upper chest and i must of been a funny sight wit my wallet and shoesover my head, hoping it wasnt going to be any deeper and as i got back i saw a small sting ray.

Mike was telling me, that he felt really bad watching me wade accross, i thought it was hilllarious, as Mike ran back to his dingy
before it floated away.

Next day we swapped back sandles, and the boys sailed off to the south pacific and they all lived happily ever after.

And thats the story of Mike and Me.

On Isbella, we went snorkling and a Sea Lion came up to us and pretty much said ´Thats not how you swim, this is how how you swim´ and proceeded to show us land cratures how it´s done zooming around us and jumping out of the water, nothing i´ve ever seen comes close, saw white tipped sharks, heaps of them, Boobies (The bird kind, i like them too, the birds´

And thousands of Turles, giant ones and their babies.
Walked to the Wall of tears, it´s a huge pile of stones prisoners of war had to build to give them something to do i suppose, i suppose it´s safer than digging a hole?


Later